A Good Brother

Dear Reader,

I thought I would write about some things I really like today. However, that would take really long, and I would want to write too much, and it just won't turn out right, which might make me stress out. Stress (as you probably know) can cause hair loss, weight gain, change in hair color (gray hairs), an increase in blood pressure and heart beat, quick changes in mood or behavior, nausea/vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, head-aches, swollen feet, the formation of disgusting oozing pustules, and more.

Okay, maybe I exaggerated on some of those, but why take the risk?

So, instead of writing about some things I like, I'm going to pick 1.

I pick Brother.

Brother has black hair that is as straight as a straight pin, and probably has the same circumference. His eyelashes are so full that unless you examined him closely (or you knew him) you could easily think him to be wearing "guy liner". He is the most toned guy I have noticed his age, and he also looks the most manly. That isn't why I like him though.

Brother is a good brother.

He is protective. Granted he isn't like a "girl flick movie protective", but he does protect me, even if he doesn't always want me to know it or realize it. I think he's probably the most nervous about me getting out of isolation, because he sees what an utter dork I am at home and worries I may act that way in public. Which I may be prone to do, especially if he is present. He stays away from sick people at school because he knows that if he caught the right kind of sick, I will surely perish. He (and Dad) do the yard work because he knows that I (and my mother much of the time) deteriorate in the heat. He does more protective stuff too, but this is not a post on his protectiveness, and 3 examples is good for a paragraph.

He is trustworthy. If you tell him a secret he will not repeat it. I can do that too, but it seems to be harder for me. I think this is for two reasons A.) I don't get out much, so there is hardly ever anything to talk about B.) I don't understand why people keep "YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!" secrets, it makes no sense to me. I think that you could always tell someone, as long as you knew they were a safe person. Brother seems to not care about what anyone tells him for the most part. So, he won't tell people what you tell him because very frankly, what does it matter to other people anyway? He's a "safe" person to talk to.

He is a bunch of other good brother stuff too. He may not be so nice 100% of the time, but he apologizes when he does something uncalled for and hurtful, which mot many people can do. He plays games with me, like chess or gamecube. He's a good listener when you need one, and he tries to understand, and he doesn't judge enough to say he's one who does. He's not stuck on stupid stuff either, he knows there are WAY more important things.

I'm not going to write much more because this post is getting long already. Here are the last few things I would like to mention.

Brother is my friend, I think I am his, though we would probably never be friends if we weren't siblings because we keep different social groups. I love him very much, he is a great brother, and he loves me too, though I can only remember getting an "Okay" on the sister scale. He might have called me good in the sister department once or twice though.

And something that I really like about my whole family:
We aren't weird about things. What I mean by this is, we don't hide from each other or keep secrets (except ones that aren't ours to share) from each other. We don't think our lives are not normal, because to us, they are perfectly normal. What's not normal about them? My mom being bald, barfing every 3 weeks, and me sporting faded bruises like jewelry is normal. If I asked you, "How do you cope with having that gap in your teeth?" What would you think of me?

What gets me, what puts my "Not Normal!" flag up, is when I see families where a member has some a health challenge or sickness and they are all "Ah! We aren't normal! I don't know if I can stand it! When will I/my spouse/my child be normal again!? How can I handle it!?" I mean grow up! You are as normal as the rest of us, your normal is just different, as is everyones'. The thing is, this is your life, this is your normal, so you may as well like it.

Brother and I decided a long time ago. We each have one sibling, only one. We can be friends, we can "get along", or we can choose to do neither of those things. I like our decision.

Sister of a Good Brother, and Member of a Normal Family,
Miss E.

Erg!

I just read my post and I was thinking, "What if I was a kid (a school-goer) reading that? I would think thinks were just fine and dandy! That's not what I was going for!"

The message I wanted to get across to other kids (teens) is:

Just look at what you have! This kid, this sweet 15 year old girl hasn't been to school for 6 years! You think that's fine?! You think, "Oh things are always bright and happy for Miss E. She'll be fine." No! That is not true. Miss E. is NOT fine and dandy, her aura is totally not pink right now. How dare you!

How dare you complain about not getting the classes that you want! How dare you complain about your busy schedule! Is your heart blind?! How dare you complain about getting to go school!

Going to school is a privilege.

Having a job is a privilege.

Oh you know do you? If you know that, they why don't you act like it?

Quit thinking about how bad you got it.... That's what I'm trying so hard to do right now. Other people use me to accomplish this, I use other people....

Yesterday, was Prayer's first birthday. Happy birthday, I'm thinking of you, and thank you for helping me.

Miss E.

School Time

Dear Reader,

I got home from Tennessee a while ago. We had a great vacation.

Brother starts school this Monday. I am very happy and excited for him. This is his first year of high school. He is also excited.

I'm a bit bummed out that I can't go to school, again. Virtual School is great - the teachers are all wonderful, the lessons are good quality, you do learn (or I do), but I just have been waiting a long time to go back to a traditional school. In 6 years, I have attended 9 weeks of traditional (i.e. in a classroom, with a teacher and other students) school, and those 9 weeks were great. I remember so much from them, and I am so very happy that I received the gift of going for that long. I even remember from over 6 years ago, from 1st to 3rd grade about school. I always liked it.

I talk about the days when I used to go to school more often than I should. From how I talk sometimes, people might think I was a normal school-going kid. When I hear myself, I always think, "Like you can talk, you haven't been to school in 3 years, and even then you were only there for 9 weeks." So, I always say, "I remember when I went to middle school for that little bit...."

All my life, I have always been one to see "the bright side" of things. At this point in my life, I don't know if that is because that is just the way I am, or if my parents helped me. Its probably both. So, while I can't help seeing the bright side of not getting to go to school this year, and not going to PIBS at all ever (because you can't start into the pre-IB program in the middle of the year), I see "the dark side" too. I don't like it either, it makes my heart heavy in my chest.

So here is my bright side: Even if I could go right now, I am way too tired. I would never make it. It is actually good that my T-Cells aren't there right now, because it would be way more awful to have the immune system but not be able to go because I'm too out of shape and tired, than to not be able to go because I don't have the immunity.

Bright side to no PIBS: If I do start in the middle of the year, I won't have as much homework. I can still be in the IB program next year.

The thing with the dark-side is, it is all sooo selfish when I say it. "I am sad that I don't get to go to school, because I want to go and I haven't been able to go in almost 6 years. I want to go so bad, and I don't get to." See how that sounds? Icky!

At least I'm getting off some meds, and hopefully that means I'm getting better. I haven't been to the hospital this year, so that is good.

So anyway, I'm trying not to be selfish about this. I can't always get what I want, and I just have to deal with it. I'm still very excited for Brother, and I hope he enjoys his first day very much.

Miss E.