Thursday, August 8, 2013

Why I hesitated

Dearest Reader,

Thank you for responding as you did to my last post. I received quite a bit of feedback on it, all telling me to write my story, and to share it, and I was very flattered. Before I get going again though, I really need to get something off my chest, and I need to do it on here, on this blog, because that is where it all started.

Late December, 2009, I wrote a blog post about a preacher praying for me in Indiana. This can be accessed by clicking on those underlined words you just read. Reading it back, it is a very well written post, not that I want to toot my own horn, but I'm really captivated by the story and the detail. A talented writer wrote that, and to think it is a work of non-fiction as well! Amazing.

Anyway, this particular post caused me a lot of trouble, and upset a lot of people in my family. Most of the involved people have apologized for their involvement, have been completely forgiven, and any issues concerning them have been resolved. Some members of my non-immediate family did get really upset though, and words were said that were hurtful, tears were shed, and it was just a big ugly mess.

I still am not really sure what happened.

The thing that scared me the most about the whole thing, and the reason why I hesitate to write at times, is the power. The power that words have, that words that I typed have. It is power that I don't want. I don't want to have the ability to do anything that would make people that frustrated and upset. When I expressed this to Mom the other day, she said, "But you do. You do have that power."

Upon reflection, I don't know how right she is. It was their choice to get upset, my words didn't force their reaction. Maybe I say that because I so don't want the responsibility that would come with all that power, but maybe it is true. I don't know. I just never realized that people could get so upset over words, words that weren't meant to upset at all, and it scared me.

I want this blog to be a safe place for me to write my memoirs, my thoughts, my opinions, events as they happened from my eyes. Nothing on here is meant to condemn people. These are just records as one person sees and experiences them, and are not meant to be taken personally in a hurtful way. If you want to use them personally, fine, go ahead, but don't let them hurt you. You do not have to read any of it.

That's what I have to say about that,
I hope to write more in the future,
Miss E.

Monday, July 1, 2013

Back in the Groove?

Dear Reader,

I have decided to resurrect this blog from the dead, at least temporarily. Mom is to blame mostly, she keeps telling me that people miss it, I'm such a talented writer and that I should really consider writing a book someday, etc. Mom has a way about thinking more of her offspring than anyone else.

Anyway, I do not post here without news to share. There is actually a lot of news. Most of you know I had a busy senior year of high school, lots of school, and then a sickly spring time, which I am still recovering from. Currently I am preparing for college, which is very exciting and nerve wracking at the same time. Then there is news with Mom, which is somewhat exclusive as she hasn't really told people yet.

Yes, it is that time again, that time of the month (or what ever time period) that most all sane people dread... Mom just got diagnosed with cancer, again, for the 7th time now. It is still the same Ovarian Cancer, sprinkled here and there. Most of you know it metastasized a few diagnoses ago. There isn't much else to say about that, but here are some interesting things that she and I were talking about today:

1. Neither Mom nor I know anyone or have heard of anyone who has her type of cancer and has survived it/lived with it for as long as she has.

2. Neither of us know of anyone who has a medical history similar to mine either. I couldn't think of anyone I've ever met who had their transplant at an older (above 6 years old) age who is still alive, or anyone who is still alive who got their graft (i.e. their bone marrow donation) from an adult, unrelated donor of the opposite sex who is still alive either.

3. Our story is pretty amazing when we think about it.

4. Scientifically, it makes just about zero sense that we are still alive. What science cannot explain, can be explained with the supernatural... or not at all, which is unacceptable for me. So therefore God must be intervening to keep us here for some special reason.

It seems like maybe we were given such a story to share it. So maybe, we should put it out there for people to find. I hope that doesn't make it less special, or less amazing, or less mine.

Feel free to send me your thoughts on this,
It is nice to be in touch again,
Miss E.