Thursday, August 8, 2013

Why I hesitated

Dearest Reader,

Thank you for responding as you did to my last post. I received quite a bit of feedback on it, all telling me to write my story, and to share it, and I was very flattered. Before I get going again though, I really need to get something off my chest, and I need to do it on here, on this blog, because that is where it all started.

Late December, 2009, I wrote a blog post about a preacher praying for me in Indiana. This can be accessed by clicking on those underlined words you just read. Reading it back, it is a very well written post, not that I want to toot my own horn, but I'm really captivated by the story and the detail. A talented writer wrote that, and to think it is a work of non-fiction as well! Amazing.

Anyway, this particular post caused me a lot of trouble, and upset a lot of people in my family. Most of the involved people have apologized for their involvement, have been completely forgiven, and any issues concerning them have been resolved. Some members of my non-immediate family did get really upset though, and words were said that were hurtful, tears were shed, and it was just a big ugly mess.

I still am not really sure what happened.

The thing that scared me the most about the whole thing, and the reason why I hesitate to write at times, is the power. The power that words have, that words that I typed have. It is power that I don't want. I don't want to have the ability to do anything that would make people that frustrated and upset. When I expressed this to Mom the other day, she said, "But you do. You do have that power."

Upon reflection, I don't know how right she is. It was their choice to get upset, my words didn't force their reaction. Maybe I say that because I so don't want the responsibility that would come with all that power, but maybe it is true. I don't know. I just never realized that people could get so upset over words, words that weren't meant to upset at all, and it scared me.

I want this blog to be a safe place for me to write my memoirs, my thoughts, my opinions, events as they happened from my eyes. Nothing on here is meant to condemn people. These are just records as one person sees and experiences them, and are not meant to be taken personally in a hurtful way. If you want to use them personally, fine, go ahead, but don't let them hurt you. You do not have to read any of it.

That's what I have to say about that,
I hope to write more in the future,
Miss E.