Sunday, January 31, 2010

I'm Unpredictable

Dear Reader,

It has been almost a week since I have written last. I hope you didn't think anything had happened to me, because I'm fine.

My donor and I have been emailing back and fourth quite a bit. It is so great! I already have 4 emails from him! He is very nice and sweet and I like him very much. Before I get on to talking about him too much though, I will tell you a bit about what I've been up to this week.
Last Tuesday was my big day at the hospital. I didn't even end up going to the "clinic" that I usually go to because everything is new. They have a new building called the "OCC" which stands for Out-patient Care Clinic (or Center, I'm not sure).

I went to the pulmonary place in the OCC and I went to the Infusion Clinic. I didn't get to see Agent 99 at all because she works in "Hematology" in the bone marrow part, not in the Infusion Clinic. I had new people.

I like old people.

These new people were alright though. The nurse who did my IV did AWESOME, an absolutely wonderful job. She was the one who checked me in and hooked up my IVIG. After telling her all the medication I take (and nearly all the amounts), and asking her why a T&B-Cell Numeration wasn't included in my labs, she told me she had never experienced any patient like me before and that she was very impressed. When Patch came in later, the nurse told her that I had blown her away.

Oh please! Your too kind!

Most of the day I slept there at the infusion clinic. Polly did come by to visit, but I slept through her. They give me medicine that makes me sleep on IVIG days. One of the Moms of the Family Advisory Council came to visit too, but I slept through her as well.

When I got my blood results back they were pretty much what they normally are for me, except for the creatinine (kidney function number). It was 2.58. This is a very good number for me and Mom and Patch were impressed. I haven't been on any IV fluids at night now for about a month and my creatinine was actually good. WOW.

You should note that a good creatinine for a normal person is actually between 0.5 and 1. However, my creatinine runs high due to the BK virus attacking my kidney. We think the BK nephritis (Kidney-sickness caused by BK virus) may have caused permanent damage, so that's why 2.5 is good for me.

I also did the Family Centered Rounds project for the Family Advisory Council that day, but it wasn't as exciting as I thought. I did really enjoy seeing my friend HawkMan though.

Oh! And before I forget, I've been meaning to tell you this, if you ever stop by All Children's Hospital in St. Petersburg, Florida, please make sure to pick up a welcome packet and open it. There is a surprise in the inside cover.

Back to my week, Friday I went to Orlando to do the commercial for Florida Virtual School (FLVS). I learned that only 16 students out of the whole school were "selected" to be in it. So it is a big honor.
The FLVS media people are very different than CatWoman, Marshmallow and Peter Pan at All Children's. They are so stiff and didn't seem to be used to working with kids at all. I thought that was really weird considering they are a school, but I let it go because they had been at it all day long and FLVS is a "virtual school". These people are nerds. Nerds have been known to lack social skills.

First the FLVS people took me into a room and had me say some lines. Some of them I thought were funny because they were exaggerations of the truth, or matters of opinion, not really facts about the school. That's okay though because during my interview, when I got to choose my own words, all I said was the truth and the facts as I see them.

One lady told me that none of the other kids that they had interviewed so far had responded to the questions like I did. Or rather she said that, "The other kids all just said what we wanted them to say, but you just told it like it is. I like that about you."

I was actually a bit worried about how I did, and was talking to Mom about it in the van on the way home.

When I was being interviewed, the majority of the crew was out in the hall watching me through a glass door, they had me faced so I could see them out of the corner of my eye if I wanted, but I tried not to look at them. They laughed at me the whole time I was being interviewed, everything I said was hilarious, and I kept hearing through the door "She's so cute! She's so cute!"

The people in the room with me (the camera-men, audio-man, and interviewer) were fighting laughter for a lot of my interview too. The camera girl was bent with her face hidden behind her camera and her body was shaking with giggles.

This would all be good, except I wasn't making jokes or goofing around. I was answering the questions, and being myself.

So, this is why I was a bit worried about it all. I obviously didn't say what they expected me to, but the organizer lady said that they are going to use everyone. I'm very interested to see what they will use of me.

I didn't say anything mean, I was just candid. It was about virtual school. Mom said that I was telling the truth, but it was obvious from the way it was "laced with insults" that I really wanted to go to a traditional public school. Oh well, I do want to go to a traditional public school, very much, and I didn't intentionally lace anything with insults.

When they get the video all done and polished up they are going to send us a copy. I'm thinking that there will be a copy you can watch online too, and when that becomes available I'll be sure to post a link.

I've really written more than I thought I would, I better sign off now. I may write a thoughtful post tomorrow.

Love, Miss E.

Monday, January 25, 2010

An Email From my Donor!

Dear Reader,

Exciting things keep happening in my life, I will tell you right about it.

I got an email from my donor yesterday! It had pictures in it too. This is him, and his girlfriend.
See how happy he is? See that is just like me. I put this photo so my English Grandmother, Aunty Alien, and my English Aunty could check out my donor's girlfriend. Mom thought that she looked English. Personally, I don't know, I can never tell these things very well, but I thought my English relatives might like that she at least looks it.

This is my donor all by himself.
They say that donors and recipients often look very much a like. Sometimes even like an older, opposite sex version of themselves. I hope you are capable of recognizing the resemblance we share.

My donor is a real active person. He likes to windsurf and mountain bike and recently took up Taiko drums. It is some kind of Japanese drum. If you saw one you would probably say, "Oh! I've seen that before!"

I am his only biological child, and so far he seems pleased with me. I'm very happy about that.

He wrote me another email today too, but it was a bit shorter. He said he had to "stand up very early tomorrow morning", so he needed his sleep. I wrote him back an email already even though I too have to stand up very early tomorrow.

I have to leave at 7am to go to All Children's. I have to get IVIG at clinic, I have a Pulmonary test, and I'm going to help with the family centered rounds project that the Family Advisory Council is working on. It is going to be a very good day, but even if it isn't that is okay because my donor already made my week.
But speaking of my week, I'm just going to give you a quick splash of my plans. I already told you the plan for tomorrow, Wednesday I'm hoping to do a mountainous amount of homework, though I have to be careful not to inundate myself with it because I never get any done when that happens, Thursday I'm puppy-sitting for my friends' new 10 week old Shitzu (I would code-name the dog, but I try to keep a mostly G rated blog), and Friday I go to Orlando to film the commercial for Florida Virtual School (FLVS).

I hope you all have as wonderful a week as I am having or better.
Love, Miss E.

PS Please don't take this the wrong way, but I know at least one of my Readers may be having a hard week. Just please know, it doesn't have to be as awful as it has the potential to be, it can be wonderful like mine if you make it so. You decide if your life is going to be great or not.

Saturday, January 23, 2010

The Wild Child

Dear Reader,

Today I did something really EXTREMELY exciting! I'll tell you about it after I bring you up to speed on what has been going on in the house of Ellaneous.

On Thursday I changed my meds. I've been feeling pretty good lately, good amount of energy, decent appetite. So, I decided that it would be a good time to lower my Prednisone (puffy-face steroid). Mom was the first one to actually voice the idea, I was a bit worried about doing it without seeing Patch first, but she was really sure that it was safe.

Patch gave me permission a while back to do what I want with my meds, specifically Prednisone. She trusts me with me. Now I'm only taking 10mg a day. It is the lowest I have ever been (since I got ITP(Idiopathic Thrombocytopenic Purpura) ) and I'm doing good!

BTW, if you, Reader, happen to bump into Patch, if you could tell her that I lowered my dose, I would appreciate it. Patch doesn't read my memoirs....... yet.

Friday was the last day of the school week and Jupiter was going to come over for the weekend. I had been craving lasagna the night before, and since Jupiter was coming, it was the perfect time to make it. Jupiter can really eat sometimes.

I put zucchini in it, so there was a vegetable. It tastes really good though, even little kids would like it. Jupiter confessed that lasagna gives him gas. It's a good thing he sleeps in Brother's room. Hopefully that bit of zucchini helped it go through faster.

Today Rio had an away soccer game. I was thinking about going with, since I had been feeling so good lately and all. So, I got up early and went!

I drove all the way there except for the last 2 blocks. I accidently missed the turn. I was going to take the turn, but Mom said, "No. It the next turn on the right." so I listened to her instead. When we had passed the turn, Mom told me to pull into somebody's dirt drive and turn around, and I scared her with the turn, so she kicked me out.

It didn't matter a whole lot to me though because I got to drive all the way there and I did pretty good. I took I-75 and went over 80mph for the first time. I drove in the fast lane practically the whole time because we were running on the late side. I'm a decent driver now that I can see.

I watched the game with Jupiter, and Mom talked with one of the other Moms. Actually, Jupiter and I did a lot of talking too. Brother's team was getting creamed by the away team. They were a red team and all the players were Mexican except for one who was a Mexican-Chinese. They were a really good team, and won 3-0.

I drove some on the way home but Mom wanted us to stop at the Toys-R-Us to get a gift for my friend, and Brother wanted to stop at Dick's to look at shoes. I got to pick a store too, so we went to Petco to look at dog collar items for Piggy.

We went to Toys-R-Us first and Mom bought the toy for my friend. Thanks Mom! I wore my mask in that place. After we were done there we went to the Petco, I didn't wear a mask in there. It wasn't too busy, and I didn't fondle any items or animals.

When we were in the Petco we looked at collars. Mom saw this big really cute pink harness. Piggy needs something if she is going to be a therapy dog, and she lost the collar and leash she used to have. We were wondering how we were going to tell if it would fit Piggy when it hit me.

"Put it on me!" I say, "Her and I are about the same size."

"Okay!" Replies Mom, eager to place her child into the harness.

Before I know it, the harness is around my neck and rib-cage with the strap between my little girls. It fit!

I wore the harness while we looked at the other dog collar items, after all, it did match my outfit. Turning my head, I noticed 2 older women walking down my aisle. There was a man too, but I barley noticed him. Both women looked old enough to be my grandmother, but I think they were a mother-daughter pair.

The one who looked like the mother was pushing the cart and walking down the aisle ahead of the daughter. She was glaring at me and my dog harness with disapproving daggers. The daughter woman was staring right into my eyes, with a huge smile on her face and pointing enthusiastically at the woman in front of her, she was practically jumping up and down trying to communicate with me.

I had no clue what she wanted me to do at the time, but now I'm guessing she wanted me to bark.

Upon seeing the daggers, I asked Mom, "Could you please remove my harness?" She obliged, even though she was about to put another one on me over that one. Then I turned to the ladies and I smiled and said, "I have a dog the same size as me."

Both of the ladies just broke out laughing.

People are so strange sometimes.

After that I went to the van and Mom took the boys over to Dicks. I just waited, I was tired and really hungry. I only had half a bowl of oatmeal and 2 bites of ham for breakfast, and that was at 9am. Luckily (because Mom really adores Dicks) they didn't take long.

Mom was in the driver's seat because it was getting late, and I'm not allowed to drive at night until next month. We stopped at the Burger King to get the boys and Mom something to eat. They were hungry too. I would have to wait until I got home to eat. I'm still on the low-microbial diet.

This is where the exciting thing happens.

Mom got some kind of burger and it came with fries. I was really hungry, so I ate some of the fries. I actually ate a whole packet of ketchup worth, so about 6.

It was so bad! I don't know what over came me. I just turned into a wild woman! Such a high! It was like jumping off a bridge. What a feeling! And you know what else? I'm not sick from it yet! Isn't that cool?! If I cheated before, I would have already been paying for it, and I'm fine right now!
I hope you had a greatly exciting day like I did, and if you didn't, you can borrow some of my excitement. I think I almost over-dosed anyway.

The Wild, Miss Ellaneous

Wednesday, January 20, 2010

Exciting News! + A Prayer Request

Dear Reader,

Hi! I'm so excited! I'll tell you why, but I just have a small request for you first.

Yesterday I went to a meeting at the new All Children's Hospital for a Family Advisory Council meeting. I'm the secretary. It was the first meeting at the new hospital.

The new hospital is really big and reminds me a lot of an airport, especially when you walk in.

The meeting ended at about 8:00pm. Some people left right away. We didn't, we were going to miss American Idol anyway. We live 99 miles from the hospital. Plus, I had brought a piece of chocolate cake for Big Wig and I still had to deliver it.

Big Wig is in the hospital with Iron Man. Iron Man is still very sick and doesn't have use of his legs. Big Wig is his mom. She reads my memoirs, and commented (via email) on my last post telling me how my cake "looks great". So I decided to surprise her with a piece.

I don't really like the way the new hospital is built at all on the BMT (Bone Marrow Transplant) and Hematology unit. The rooms have no windows except for one little one on the door and you can't see the patient from it, and the patient can't see you. There is no nurses station, only these little "perches" so the kids that have nobody staying with them have no friends to hang out with anymore. It is not a very happy place. I hope that changes.

Mom and I stopped by the chapel on the way out and gave the new hospital our blessing. It was really important to both of us because the old hospital was the holiest place we had ever been. You could literally feel God there. It was awesome, you could feel the prayers, the peacefulness, you knew it was a place where miracles happened.

Anyway, if you could all say a prayer or something for Iron Man and Big Wig, I would appreciate, and I think they would too. Iron Man is doing a bit better than he was, but he is still really sick. The new hospital could use some prayers too, if people are going to get well in there.

Those are my requests at the time, thank you.

Today I got some really cool news that I am sooo very excited about. I will tell you!

I'm going to be in a commercial! A real commercial! AND, I didn't get selected to do it because I'm a sick kid or because I love the hospital. I got selected because I'm a terrific student and my school teachers adore me!

The commercial is for Florida Virtual School (FLVS). One of my teachers recommended me for it, and there was this big narrowing down process in which my previous teachers were contacted and asked about me. A bunch of work was done (including looking at all my grades, my teacher/student relationships, why I was taking virtual school, etc.) and then I was called. The lady interviewed me, told me that she was the one organizing everything and she was going to make sure the I got selected. Today she called me with the dates and I'm going to film on Friday the 29th!

So I just had to tell you that.

Also, I've been feeling pretty good lately. In case you were wondering.

Miss Ellaneous

P.S. Today was my dad's birthday, he's 53 years old.

Sunday, January 17, 2010

I'm a Dinosaur with Perfect Vision

Dear Reader,

My latest sneak-out adventure happened on Wednesday and Thursday. I snuck out twice to the same place. A really quiet, relaxing place that smells of hot freshly brewed coffee. Can you guess where I went?

That's right! I went to the eye-glass doctor! They always have fresh coffee brewing there because loads of women work there, and you know how they can get without their coffee...
Anyway, Mom had an appointment there on Wednesday to get her eyes re-checked. She needed to get new glasses because hers were all scratched up. My mom has the grace of a deaf-blind ballerina with a peg-leg.

So, since she was going to get new glasses, she thought she might as well just have her eyes checked up again. It was really pleasant in there. I followed her around and the eye-tech lady took a long time getting her prescription figured out. It was so quiet and relaxing, I really enjoyed it.

When we were done getting her eyes all checked out, Brother was ready to be collected from school. So, we left before we could pick out any new frames. I had new lens that were coming in the next day, so it didn't really matter.

I guess I forgot to tell you about my eyes. A while ago, I went to the eye doctor at my hospital. Brother had come with Mom and Me to clinic that day and by the time it was time for my eye appointment they were really hungry. So they abandoned me so they could nourish themselves. Luckily for me, Walski was there to be my temporary guardian.

Walski and I went to my eye appointment together and the eye doctor was super fast. After he had told me that I would need a prescription that was 1 number stronger, I asked if my eyes were going to keep getting worse as I got older or if they would improve once I was off all my prednisone? (I actually was more careful, but basically that same question, prednisone can effect eyes). He told me that my eyes were fine, they just need a little help to see clearly, but with glasses I can see perfectly. "You have a fantastic set of eyes. There is nothing wrong with them. The little boy before you has no optical nerve, and no matter what glasses I put on his face, it will not help him see."

Woah. That had me thinking the rest of the day. What it must be like to tell someone that their child will never know what they look like, never have a favorite color, never draw you a pretty picture, never see the mountains, or tell you what shapes the clouds are, never see anything.

I left the doctor with a prescription for new -3.50 lens, seeing things a bit more clearly with my wonderfully perfect eyes.

On Thursday, Mom and I went back to the local eye-doctor and we signed in. One of the ladies took my glasses away and I started helping Mom pick out her new pair. I basically told her what I thought she would like wearing for a long time and what I didn't think she would like too much. She had a taste a bit different from mine.
But I made sure that she still got a nice looking pair. Hers have some purple in them, and she likes purple. They also fit her head, which she was concerned about because she has a very large head.

I used to think that large head held large brains, a thought that I was sharing with Brother yesterday.

"See your dog, Brother? She has a small head. Her head is much smaller than my dog's." (Pineapple is a Rottweiler/Australian Shepherd mix, while my Piggy, is a Chocolate Lab) "My dog has a big beautiful head, made for a big brain, unlike your dog." I pointed out to Brother.

"You know Miss, a Tyrannosaurus Rex has a brain the size of a walnut, whereas a human does not." Brother replied.
"So are you saying that Piggy is the human and Pineapple is the dinosaur?" I ask, slightly stumped by this onslaught of sudden information.

"Miss E." Brother says gently as though I am a young child, "I just said that a Tyrannosaurus Rex has a smaller brain...."

I guess I was a dino for a day, but it's okay, because with my fresh T-Rex appetite I decided to bake Dad's birthday cake! He turns 53 on the 20th.
I made it from scratch. It is a triple layer fudge death-by-chocolate cake. It is really chocolately and heavy, I could only hold 4 bites. Happy birthday Dad!

Love, Miss E. (The Dinosaur)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

I'm Not a Grown-Up Yet

Dear Reader,

I snuck out yesterday. Like a sloth in the night, I snuck.

I went to see a financial advisor about purchasing my first stock. It wasn't nearly as exciting as I had thought it would be. The feeling I had after I left was rather similar to the feeling I had after I had first inquired, "Mommy, how to credit cards work?" when I was 4 years old. A tad bit overwhelmed.

I had been looking at the Apple stock as they are doing so well right now, apparently that is the very reason not to buy it. Apple is at the top of it's little stock mountain, and that is never a good buying time, it has never been as high as it is now before. My attention was re-directed to the stock Elli Lilly.

Elli Lilly is in the valley of the stock mountains right now, the lowest it has been in a long time. It has also been around a long time and will probably be going back up in value. As my mom put it, Elli Lilly is a pharmaceutical stock with a large percent of it being in physco-trophic meds. People love those, and when you go to the doctor because your bummed and think your sick, and your really not, that doctor usually prescribes those drugs to make you content. Add the stress of the recession and health-care reform to that and you can't go wrong.

However, it was also expressed to me that the stock market is a gamble, and any stock can die. Stocks are money trees, but they are subject to nature. A cold winter, forest fire, or even a lightning storm can kill your tree.

The financial advisor and my mom told me that stocks are more for people with oodles of money, not for young teenagers. The stock market is a game that grown-ups play. They also told me to think about it, and see what I want to do.

So I am, and I don't know for sure. I don't know if I'm ready to play this grown-up game yet.

That was the end of my sneaking. It didn't get a rush from it at all, but I have another sneaking appointment tomorrow that I think will be much more exciting! I'll tell you about it after it happens.

Also, you might like to know, Reader, that I found another blog you might like to read. It is called Sleep Talkin' Man. It is written by a woman who's husband is a sleep talker. She just posts what he says in the night. Apparently her husband is this mild well behaved person when he is awake, but he says some funny things in his sleep. You can check it out, but be warned that the husband has a bit of a potty mouth when he's deep in slumber :-)

Simply, Miss

Friday, January 8, 2010

A Card From my Donor! + A Healthy New Year!

Dear Reader,

A few exciting things happened this week.

One being New Year! Yea, Boom, Ra!, Shish, Boom, Ba! I made 3 resolutions....

1. Get Healthy
2. Go to School
3. Have lots of fun

I know it doesn't sound too ambitious, but if you sat with me and let me explain what each of them means to me over 6 hours, you would start to think differently.

The second exciting thing that happened was truck-loads better than New Year, okay well maybe not because if we didn't have a New Year then that would mean the end of time came, and people probably wouldn't be too happy about that. I thought it was pretty cool though.

My donor sent me a Christmas card! It came all the way from Germany. He says he lives in a small house with his girlfriend and his 4 cats. He says that they also house other helpless animals sometimes too. He works for some big company that builds industrial buildings all over the world, so he comes to the states on occasion. He also said that it is snowing where he lives, even though it usually doesn't. He didn't mention any kids though, I guess I'm the only kid he's biologically connected to.

I was very excited to get my card and at the end it said, very politely, "If you like, I would be very glad hearing from you." So, I wrote him back right away and by night-time I was done with my letter.

I tried to express in my letter what an awesome person I am, so he would know how much the whole world appreciates what he did. I believe my exact words were, "I am totally fabulous!" but that doesn't really matter. I just wanted him to know that I really appreciate his gift and that I do not intend on wasting it.

Today was a clinic day. I had IVIG, so it was going to be a long clinic day. Agent 99 (my nurse) took my blood, and I got to see Patch shortly after. While Patch (my darling dear doctor) was visiting with me, Polly decided to come over and visit too.

I let them all read the letter I got from my donor. Agent 99 got all teary eyed, which is really strange because she would normally not do that. I think it was because my donor really seemed interested in me in the card, he wrote a lot, but he didn't write a lot about himself.

Patch asked if he had sent the card first or we did and I said he did, he's an antsy person. "Anti-person or antsy-person?" she asked. "Antsy-person. He's not anti-person at all, he's really out-going just like me." You can tell this by how you can tell he wants to know me. Then she asked if I had wrote anything back yet, and Mom told her that I was an antsy person and had written him back the very day.

While we were at clinic we gave Polly her Christmas gift and a gift for her daughter, Celine Dion. We also gave Patch a gift for her 2 little boys, they are supper-hero toothbrushes. Cool boy toys, and good for you too, if you use them properly.

I slept at clinic because I got drugged and Mom visited with some other people. It was a good day today.

Another thing that happened at clinic was the decision that I was getting considerably healthier. My next appointment isn't scheduled for another 2 WEEKS! I had been going every week at least once a week until now. This would be good except for the fact that clinic is pretty much my only social outing that I get when school is in. Nobody hangs out at Brother's soccer practices when it is this cold out.

So, to solve for the problem of my deprivation of human contact that I will have to face over the next two weeks, I plan to sneak out. I didn't ask for permission from Patch to do this, but what she doesn't know can't hurt her until I do it and tell her about it. I will let you know of my sneakings after I do them. My first one is planned for this Monday.

Monday, January 4, 2010

The Indiana Surprise! (Part 4, Toxic Fumes)

Dear Reader,

This is the final part (Part 4) of The Indiana Surprise! If you missed the 3rd Part, you can read it HERE.

So, as I was saying at the end of "Part 3, Good or Evil?" The Preacher Man had left and I had just sat down when I sensed the presence of something bad. The odor was awful, an assault to my nostrils. Immediately the room was filled with "UGH!"s and "It wasn't me!"s and "It was him! You can tell by the look on his face!"

Only one thing was for sure and that was the fact that the source of the fowl aroma was across the room from me and my family. It was coming from the corner where my Proud Aunt (a.k.a. "Proud Woman"), Proud Uncle (a.k.a. "Proud Man"), and Young Cousin were sitting. It had to be someone in that corner.

That one thing was for sure + this other one thing. The rancid fragrance kept returning, gaining strength with every blast.

The Young Uncle (who was sitting on the couch with my family, in the "it can't be any of us" zone) blamed the Proud Uncle who blamed it on the dog in the lap of the Proud Aunt. Apparently, he had fed the dog bacon for breakfast. The dog, a beagle/rat terrier mix named Lucy, blamed it on the Proud Aunt who blamed it on the Young Cousin. Who said, "It wasn't me!"

There is something you should probably know about the Young Cousin. She is a liar. She has been ever since she could talk, and the girls in my family learn to talk quickly. Everyone in the family knows this about the Young Cousin, so nobody believes her without consulting the source of whatever information she is reporting.

For example, when the Young Cousin was 4 years of age, she got in a bike riding accident while riding with her Grandpa. Her whole body was all scratched up and she looked a terrible mess. That is what happened in reality. However, if you had seen the Young Cousin at the time and asked her, "Oh! What happened to you!?" She would have told you a tale of riding in the car with her Grandparents and coming to an intersection, when all of the sudden, WHAM! This truck came out of nowhere barreling down the road right through the red-light and T-boned her!


So nobody believes anything she says anymore. We did believe her about the fart thing though.

Since we could find the source of the incessant gassing machine, we decided to try to ignore the stench. This we all soon found to be impossible.

"Alright! Who is doing that?!"

"Who ever it is! Go to the other room!"

"It the Proud Man! Look at his smile! He's doing it." Says the Young Uncle.

"It ain't me, I swear!" Says the Proud Man.

"Well then its the Proud Woman." Says the Young Uncle.

"Look, its not me. If it were me, you'd know it." Says the Proud Woman.

You are probably noticing how none of my immediate family is playing the "Guess the Gasser" game. If you knew Dad, you would understand. Around my dad, farts are NEVER funny, or talked about so loudly.

"Is it you, Young Cousin?" The Proud Aunt asks.

The Young Cousin replies with smiles and giggles.

"It is you!" Says the Proud Aunt!

"Well, she did have some gas yesterday night, but it didn't stink like that." Says my mother.

"Ugh! Young Cousin, that is awful! What did you eat!?" The Proud Aunt asks. The Young Cousin replies with more giggles and the room is bombed once more.

"Gross child! You need to get that out of you! Go to the potty right now!" The Young Cousin just continues her laughter while the warm wind gently slaps our noses.

"Don't you have to go to the bathroom!? Make a poop?!" The Proud Aunt asks, while the Young Cousin just laughs more as her rear blows some butt-kisses.

"Aren't you going to make chocolate pudding?!" Asks the Proud Aunt. "Gotta make a mud-dragon?" She continues. "Come on already! Take those Browns to the Super Bowl!"

We are all laughing now, but the Young Cousin still hasn't produced any mud-dragons, or fudge mountains, or any kind of pie.

Eventually we calm down and get back to watching the football game. When we are stuck by an onslaught of anal air we just cover our noses and try to ignore it.

It doesn't take too long for Dad to forget the smell and notice and comment on what a good dog that is on the Proud Aunt's lap. When he does this she replies with, "You want her?"

After much discussion, interrupted only by the wicked aroma that can only be interpreted as gastro-intestional cries for help, we leave the house with Lucy in tow.

We take the short ride to Grannee's house to pick up Piggy and Baby, and we hop in the van. We get about 20 miles out when can deny it no longer. It was not the Young Cousin who was gassing.

To be trapped in a van with something like that is horrible.

The dog would makes its wind, the toxic fumes would make Brother and I cry out in agony, Dad would roll down the windows, and since we were going very fast, the wind would thump and pound on our ears, and we would would cry out in agony once more. Once we got around 100 miles away and all Dad (who is nose-deaf and never smelled anything) had heard since we left town were things like, "She did it again!", "I can't breathe!", "I'm feeling nauseous." "Please roll down the windows. Ahhh! My Ears!!!!", "I think I'm going to vomit.", "Please! Take it back! I beg you!", "Could you try just cracking the windows?" "Ahhh! My Ears!" "I'm not feeling well.", "This is not a dog!" He burst out and said, "We are taking the dog back!"

Of course he didn't really mean this, he just wanted us to stop complaining. Though he was definitely upset. We expressed to him that we were not at all opposed and he could take the dog back if he wanted to, however if he wants this dog, he can have it. It will stop farting eventually, and we can handle it until it did. Then he whined a bit about, "No, its causing my children to be sick." and, "'Your health is more important than the dog." and all this. I told him that I won't puke, I am nauseous but I can handle it. He can have his dog if he wants it.

He decided that 1) we are too far out to turn back now 2) it would be rude to take the dog back.

We kept the dog, but it got re-named to the only thing we were able to call it after the first hour with it.


Full Name: Stinky MikaVyk Marie #2

P.S. From when we left Indiana to when we got home, Stinky had made 4 mud-puppies.