Thursday, September 16, 2010

I am Alive


I know I have been neglecting my blog a lot lately, but I am alive. I thought you might be interested in knowing that. I am a bit behind pace in school, so much of my time spent on the computer is spent doing that.

So, I am alive and doing pretty good. I hope you have a blessed day!

Miss E.

Sunday, August 15, 2010

A Good Brother

Dear Reader,

I thought I would write about some things I really like today. However, that would take really long, and I would want to write too much, and it just won't turn out right, which might make me stress out. Stress (as you probably know) can cause hair loss, weight gain, change in hair color (gray hairs), an increase in blood pressure and heart beat, quick changes in mood or behavior, nausea/vomiting, diarrhea, constipation, head-aches, swollen feet, the formation of disgusting oozing pustules, and more.

Okay, maybe I exaggerated on some of those, but why take the risk?

So, instead of writing about some things I like, I'm going to pick 1.

I pick Brother.

Brother has black hair that is as straight as a straight pin, and probably has the same circumference. His eyelashes are so full that unless you examined him closely (or you knew him) you could easily think him to be wearing "guy liner". He is the most toned guy I have noticed his age, and he also looks the most manly. That isn't why I like him though.

Brother is a good brother.

He is protective. Granted he isn't like a "girl flick movie protective", but he does protect me, even if he doesn't always want me to know it or realize it. I think he's probably the most nervous about me getting out of isolation, because he sees what an utter dork I am at home and worries I may act that way in public. Which I may be prone to do, especially if he is present. He stays away from sick people at school because he knows that if he caught the right kind of sick, I will surely perish. He (and Dad) do the yard work because he knows that I (and my mother much of the time) deteriorate in the heat. He does more protective stuff too, but this is not a post on his protectiveness, and 3 examples is good for a paragraph.

He is trustworthy. If you tell him a secret he will not repeat it. I can do that too, but it seems to be harder for me. I think this is for two reasons A.) I don't get out much, so there is hardly ever anything to talk about B.) I don't understand why people keep "YOU CAN'T TELL ANYONE!" secrets, it makes no sense to me. I think that you could always tell someone, as long as you knew they were a safe person. Brother seems to not care about what anyone tells him for the most part. So, he won't tell people what you tell him because very frankly, what does it matter to other people anyway? He's a "safe" person to talk to.

He is a bunch of other good brother stuff too. He may not be so nice 100% of the time, but he apologizes when he does something uncalled for and hurtful, which mot many people can do. He plays games with me, like chess or gamecube. He's a good listener when you need one, and he tries to understand, and he doesn't judge enough to say he's one who does. He's not stuck on stupid stuff either, he knows there are WAY more important things.

I'm not going to write much more because this post is getting long already. Here are the last few things I would like to mention.

Brother is my friend, I think I am his, though we would probably never be friends if we weren't siblings because we keep different social groups. I love him very much, he is a great brother, and he loves me too, though I can only remember getting an "Okay" on the sister scale. He might have called me good in the sister department once or twice though.

And something that I really like about my whole family:
We aren't weird about things. What I mean by this is, we don't hide from each other or keep secrets (except ones that aren't ours to share) from each other. We don't think our lives are not normal, because to us, they are perfectly normal. What's not normal about them? My mom being bald, barfing every 3 weeks, and me sporting faded bruises like jewelry is normal. If I asked you, "How do you cope with having that gap in your teeth?" What would you think of me?

What gets me, what puts my "Not Normal!" flag up, is when I see families where a member has some a health challenge or sickness and they are all "Ah! We aren't normal! I don't know if I can stand it! When will I/my spouse/my child be normal again!? How can I handle it!?" I mean grow up! You are as normal as the rest of us, your normal is just different, as is everyones'. The thing is, this is your life, this is your normal, so you may as well like it.

Brother and I decided a long time ago. We each have one sibling, only one. We can be friends, we can "get along", or we can choose to do neither of those things. I like our decision.

Sister of a Good Brother, and Member of a Normal Family,
Miss E.

Saturday, August 7, 2010


I just read my post and I was thinking, "What if I was a kid (a school-goer) reading that? I would think thinks were just fine and dandy! That's not what I was going for!"

The message I wanted to get across to other kids (teens) is:

Just look at what you have! This kid, this sweet 15 year old girl hasn't been to school for 6 years! You think that's fine?! You think, "Oh things are always bright and happy for Miss E. She'll be fine." No! That is not true. Miss E. is NOT fine and dandy, her aura is totally not pink right now. How dare you!

How dare you complain about not getting the classes that you want! How dare you complain about your busy schedule! Is your heart blind?! How dare you complain about getting to go school!

Going to school is a privilege.

Having a job is a privilege.

Oh you know do you? If you know that, they why don't you act like it?

Quit thinking about how bad you got it.... That's what I'm trying so hard to do right now. Other people use me to accomplish this, I use other people....

Yesterday, was Prayer's first birthday. Happy birthday, I'm thinking of you, and thank you for helping me.

Miss E.

School Time

Dear Reader,

I got home from Tennessee a while ago. We had a great vacation.

Brother starts school this Monday. I am very happy and excited for him. This is his first year of high school. He is also excited.

I'm a bit bummed out that I can't go to school, again. Virtual School is great - the teachers are all wonderful, the lessons are good quality, you do learn (or I do), but I just have been waiting a long time to go back to a traditional school. In 6 years, I have attended 9 weeks of traditional (i.e. in a classroom, with a teacher and other students) school, and those 9 weeks were great. I remember so much from them, and I am so very happy that I received the gift of going for that long. I even remember from over 6 years ago, from 1st to 3rd grade about school. I always liked it.

I talk about the days when I used to go to school more often than I should. From how I talk sometimes, people might think I was a normal school-going kid. When I hear myself, I always think, "Like you can talk, you haven't been to school in 3 years, and even then you were only there for 9 weeks." So, I always say, "I remember when I went to middle school for that little bit...."

All my life, I have always been one to see "the bright side" of things. At this point in my life, I don't know if that is because that is just the way I am, or if my parents helped me. Its probably both. So, while I can't help seeing the bright side of not getting to go to school this year, and not going to PIBS at all ever (because you can't start into the pre-IB program in the middle of the year), I see "the dark side" too. I don't like it either, it makes my heart heavy in my chest.

So here is my bright side: Even if I could go right now, I am way too tired. I would never make it. It is actually good that my T-Cells aren't there right now, because it would be way more awful to have the immune system but not be able to go because I'm too out of shape and tired, than to not be able to go because I don't have the immunity.

Bright side to no PIBS: If I do start in the middle of the year, I won't have as much homework. I can still be in the IB program next year.

The thing with the dark-side is, it is all sooo selfish when I say it. "I am sad that I don't get to go to school, because I want to go and I haven't been able to go in almost 6 years. I want to go so bad, and I don't get to." See how that sounds? Icky!

At least I'm getting off some meds, and hopefully that means I'm getting better. I haven't been to the hospital this year, so that is good.

So anyway, I'm trying not to be selfish about this. I can't always get what I want, and I just have to deal with it. I'm still very excited for Brother, and I hope he enjoys his first day very much.

Miss E.

Thursday, July 22, 2010

On Vacation!

Dear Reader!

I am on vacation! I am visiting the famous Hills of Tennessee, as mentioned in the song, "Proud to be an American." My great-aunt and uncle live here and I am visiting them along with my Mom, Grannee, and Brother. Today I am at home while Brother and my aunt go zip-lining, and my Mom watches.

It is really nice and relaxing here. I took pictures of the place and tried to upload them here, but I messed it up. So, I'll probably try that again some other time.

Today something exciting happened!

A wild animal escaped into the house! The monster came from the vast unknown through the garage (supposedly) and darted at top speed into the house. My uncle shouted and I said, "Are you serious?" He assured me he was and told me the creature had taken cover in Grannee's room.

I entered the room following my uncle, and there was no creature to be found. Then all of the sudden, a rustling in the curtain, and I saw it. It came at me, and I stood perfectly still until it passed me in the hallway. Then, me and my uncle chased it down fearlessly. He had a net to assist him, while I was left to fight the savage beast with my bare hands. Grannee just watched it from the sidelines, probably paralyzed with fear.

I got it corned in the laundry room and my uncle came. "Where is it?" he said in his deep voice, "Its over there." I said gesturing to the corner. I had already opened the garage door so the thing could get out. My uncle went over it, talking to it (calling it "stupid"), using his net to herd it out into the garage. Then, it was out. We were saved!

So, my uncle opened up both garage doors so the cute sweet darling little wren could go back outside.

Tuesday, July 6, 2010

Quick Update: Saver to Spender

Dear Reader,

As usual, a whole lot has happened since I wrote last. I will conveniently list the latest events below, as this seems to be a very efficient way to quickly update...

Note: Events are in order of memory at the time of writing.

1.  I made great chicken and dumplings last night! I am very hungry right now, sorry.

2. I bought two new pairs of flip-flops! My cutest pair you can see below (picture and link curtesy of I got an all black pair, but it is the same as that one rhinestone wise. My other pair is a pair of squishy Under Armour brand ones. 

3. I'm getting pretty good on the violin. The Baby dog doesn't cry so much when I play anymore.

4. Grannee is coming! She should arrive next Tuesday! So excited!

5. I finished Biology! I call my teacher for my final grade stuff tomorrow and I will be officially done. He said that if I ever need a letter of recommendation for anything to give him a call and he would write me a good one.

6. I bought a pink acoustic guitar! Kind of. I actually was playing with it today while waiting for my violin teacher to get to the store for my lesson. It is pink. It burst into tears when I left without it. So, I called up the store on the way home and told them to put a "SOLD" sign on it and I would be back tomorrow to pick it up.

7. I am sooo not liking parting with my money. I am what you call "frugal".

8. I am going on vacation soon! Mom, Brother, Grannee, and I are going to Tennessee to visit my great-aunt and uncle who live there. We are all (minus brother who lacks the ability to be enthused) extremely excited about going!!!!! (I put !!!!! because we are that excited)

9. My T-Cells (main part of immune system) are not growing :( However, I'm still not getting sick :D

10. Because my T-Cells are really very low, I will not be going to school on August 9th like every other average-Joe public schooler in my county. This also means, that Brother is going to go to high school before me... That stinker!

11. It also means that I probably won't have to do all my IB homework :D

I have more stories to tell you, but I don't have more time to tell them. So, good-bye for now, and I will write again later.

~Miss E.

Wednesday, June 16, 2010

Good News!

Dear Reader,

I know I'm not supposed to be posting (I still have to finish virtual school) but I have 2 things to tell you, okay 4, but I've really got to do homework right now so I'm going to make this very brief.

Thing #1 (medical)
I went to clinic 9 days ago, and I didn't tell you about it. It was great! My BK Virus number (BK Virus is the virus that is trying to kill my kidney) went down to the lowest it has ever been since we started to really worry about it! It is in the 50,000s!!! For me, this is big YAY! news.

Thing #2 (medical)
I went to clinic 9 days ago, and it was great further! My kidney function number went down too! Yay! This is great news, it was down to 2.48!!! For me this is very good, as my doctors were thinking it would never be able to go down past 2.6 due to the excessive damage caused by the BK virus.

Thing #3 (kind of medical but not really)
I went to Wal*Mart 2 days ago!!! I haven't been there since before transplant and it was a big deal for me. They had totally re-done the place since the last time I had been in. There wasn't many people there either so I didn't even wear a mask! Soooo exciting!!! I didn't touch anything really, except the cart which Mom wiped with a clorox clean-up. I was cart-pusher for Mom. It was AWESOME!
Clorox Disinfecting Wipes 4-Pack: 1 Fresh Scent, 2 Lemon Fresh, 1 Orange (78 Wipes Per Canister - 312 Wet Wipes Total)
Thing #4 (school/ education)
I made a video for my biology class. I wasn't going to post it on here, but my biology teacher thought it was awesome! He even gave me extra credit!!! He says it is the best assignment he has ever gotten for that lesson and he asked me if he could put it on the announcement page for the class! What an honor! So, I told him that he may. I thought you might like to see this amazing video, so here you are:

Miss E.

P.S. Do you like my new blog look? Leave a comment and tell me please.

Also, thing #5: I am finished with all my assignments in Geometry now!

Sunday, June 6, 2010

Telethon Weekend 2010

Dear Reader,

My time on the telethon is now over. It was very fun. There is so much energy in that atmosphere and it is bounced around and recycled. Going to the telethon actually seemed to give me more energy.

I was disappointed Saturday because I was going to go on live, and my bone marrow donor was going to try and watch me via the All Children's Hosptial Telethon website. I kept thinking to myself all day long before I went on, "Talk slowly, say each word, and give a shout out." My donor isn't very fluent in American English yet. As soon as I went up there and got on stage with the lights and cameras in my face, I just forgot everything! Poof!

Maybe, if I get invited back to the telethon next year, I can have a pre-recorded segment too so I can say what I want. I wanted to encourage people to consider donating more than money.

Anyway, I have lots of pictures from then that I stole off of flicker. Here is one of me, Brother, and Resi when I appeared live at 8:42pm on Saturday.

Thank you Resi and Helen for my Willow Tree Angels!!!

This picture is of my friends the Hawks. From left to right we have, the Big Hawkuna, Hawk-let, Steve Jerve (The news guy), HawkMan, and HawkMom/Lady Hawk Liver/Lady Hawk (many code names this ones has). Everyone agrees that their family looks made for TV.

These are people who help make it all happen! The coordinator (I think?) and the tech/picture/Internet guy who is also on the Family Advisory Council and whom everyone likes. Everyone likes the lady too, but she isn't on the Family Advisory Council, yet. That's Peter Pan in the background, by the way.

The following are pictures of the Family Advisory Council (which I am on) when we answered phones. Answering phones at the All Children's Hospital Telethon was such a rush! The Big Hawkuna had to visit the lavatory shortly after our shift started it was so exciting. My phone rang twice with a real person on the other end.

The next picture is one of my favorite from the night, taken by on Father Goose's cell phone. It is rather good, don't you think? Going from left to right we have Hawk Lady, the Big Hawkuna, and Father Goose.

This one has me in it!

I hope you enjoyed my pictures and had a great weekend! If you didn't get the chance to call in during the telethon, you can still go to All Children's Hospital's website and donate there. You can help save lives. If you can't donate money, that is okay, you can donate your vital organs instead! Or your other organs! Or your blood, or your hair, or your unopened toys, its your choice really...

The final amount raised from the telethon is $3,343,930! Thank you so much to everyone who donated!
Love, Miss E.

Thursday, May 27, 2010

Miss E on TV!

Hello Dear Readers!

I know I haven't posted in a long time, and this isn't really going to be a post post, most like an announcement. I won't be doing real posts until I get my school work done, sorry.

First announcement:

I am going to be on the All Children's Hospital Telethon! I will be appearing Saturday, June 5th at 8:42pm St. Petersburg, FL, U.S.A time. You can watch me live at that time at If you are international and want to watch, there is a list of world clocks here where you can see how your time zone compares to mine, and do the math.

Second announcement:

I can do a back bend! I just did it maybe half an hour ago. I haven't been able to do one in years, and I was so happy that I cried. Mom was very thankful that I cried because she has been really emotional/hormonal/not herself lately and has been experiencing mood swings.

The following events are in the order I remember them, not as they happened. These events have all taken place since the last time I posted something.

Other announcements that aren't as important, but I should probably mention before they get too far out dated:

1. (This actually has happened since before last time I posted, but I didn't have time to write about it) Brother has a girlfriend! You can find a picture of her HERE. She is the blond girl next to the Asian girl (Sleeping Beauty, if you know her) on the far left. Brother has his arm around her in the picture.

2. I learned how to light the grill! I can now complete this dangerous task all by myself without any human supervision!

3. Brother caught his hair on fire, because he thought he already knew how to light the grill! He did loose some of it, and had a tiny burn above his lip. His hair has since grown out and been re-cut.

4. My dad killed one of the foxes that has been hunting his chickens. Don't worry. I looked it up, and it is perfectly legal since we live in a rural area.

Foxes are not afforded protection from humane control measures. However the law does prevent the use of poisons or illegal traps or snares to control foxes, and it is illegal to shoot them in urban areas including parks.

5. I got in my first car accident! Kind of. I was pulling the old van out of the drive way and it had the trailer attached. I miss-judged, or didn't look in my mirrors well enough or something, and when I gave it gas (the old van has a kick) it ripped up the gate. I was very worried that my dad would be very mad, so I made him fresh rice for when he got home.

6. Everything was fine because Dad didn't notice that the gate was torn to pieces. He only noticed that Mom had backed up the van into his big garage and made a crack in the trunk. Pictures available later. He noticed the gate after Mom told on me. Dad said that she should have been watching me better, I have no experience driving. I, sensing her immaturity, explained the situation to her saying, "You are in trouble and I am not." in a sing-song voice with a smile on my face.

7. Mom and I shaved the two hairy border collies for the summer. One of them, who I believe has the code-name "Clown" has a Mohawk down his back and tail because of this. People drive by our house to stop and laugh at him. His life is now fulfilled.

8. I started violin lessons.

9. This Friday is Brother's last day of school!

Okay, that I all I can think of for now. Thank you and have a nice day!

Love, Miss E.

Saturday, May 8, 2010

Happy Mother's Day!

To My Mother,

Happy Mother's Day.
You mean too much to me,
I don't know what to say.

So I thought I'd post especially for you on my blog.
Unfortunately, my mind is suffering from writer's fog.

There's too much to say, too much to write.
I can't post it all, never in one night.

You've taken care of me since the day I was made.
You're the kind of mom I would never want to trade.

This poem is corny, but that is okay.
You are my mother, surely you'll like it anyway.

I can't thank you enough for all that you've done.
And as far as that goes, let's just say, "I owe you one."

Thanks for my brother, he is the best.
Thanks for your wisdom, and all the rest.

Thank you Mommy, for all that you do,
and please know, that I will always love you.

Love, Your Daughter

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Silent Birthday Party

Dear Reader,

I know I haven't written in a really long time and sorry to disappoint you, but this isn't going to be much of a post either. It is mostly pictures.

Brother had his 14th Birthday party on Saturday the 17th. It was a Silent Library birthday party. Silent Library is a TV show where contestants have to "endure punishment" in a library at an undisclosed location. If the contestants can remain silent while enduring the punishment, they win money. Here is a sample of some of the punishments that took place at Brother's party.

There were two teams. This challenge was a race, which ever team consume their frozen drinks first won the money.
This one was also a race. Contestants had to race each other to the end of the driveway blindfolded.....
while being pelted with water balloons.
For this challenge, the teams raced to see who could pop their balloons first.
This contestant was subject to a make-over.
All this contestant had to do for this challenge was eat pudding...
with help from the leaf blower.

The party was really awesome, and I am not sick from it yet. I have been breaking TONS of my low-microbial rules, and I am not sick yet. I am a bit more tired than usual, but not feeling bad. I have actually been feeling quite good.

I would post more, but this is just a short post. I have been very busy though. I'll do another post soon, maybe, hopefully, probably.

Sorry if you feel like I "left you hangin'."

Write again soon, Miss Ellaneous

PS I have lots of virtual school to do, its a big reason I haven't written in a long time. School and work first, then hobbies, that the rule you know.

Sunday, April 11, 2010

Super Quick Note

Dear Reader,

I just thought you guys should know that HawkMan is out of ICU! His family thanks you for your prayers, and so do I.

So, I'll tell you what I've been up to lately.

Friday night, I went to the airport with my daddy. We were on a super secret mission. My aunt was having a birthday and in order to surprise her we thought we'd fly down her daughter (my friend, Pursey) down for the weekend. Dad and I picked her up from the airport at midnight on Friday night.

We had my aunt over for breakfast the next morning and she was so surprised as was Sleeping Beauty (Pursey's sister). Sleeping Beauty even had some tears gleaming in her eyes.

It was sooo fun!

Brother's birthday is tomorrow. We are going to have his party on the 17th. He keeps changing it. I'm really looking forward to it.

Mom is doing better with her chemo. She is doing a lot better this time than last time.

Sorry this is so short, and a bit low in quality compared to what I usually do. I'm going to go now. I hope you have a great week and enjoyed your weekend!

God's blessings!
Miss Ellaneous

Thursday, April 8, 2010

Prayers Please + Consider Becoming an Organ Donor

Dear Reader,

I'm not promising any bright, bouncy, cleaver, witty humor in this post.

I have a prayer request for you. Seriously.

It is for my friend HawkMan. I'm going to break the rule about code-names for him so you can pray for him better, plus you already know who he is if you read his page.

His name is Aiden. He is in the hospital right now, actually he is in the ICU (Intensive Care Unit). He is really sick, and the doctors don't really know what is wrong. He's been pucking up a lot of blood, he's hurled up over 1/2 a liter and you can see how small he is from the picture. He's been disoriented all day, he just remembered his name and birthday a couple minutes ago (I know because of facebook). Please pray for him and his family. He has a Mom, Dad and a little brother. Your prayers are appreciated.
Aiden playing sick at family centered rounds practice.

Also, I encourage you to please register as an organ donor. I recently started following a blog about a boy named Mason who just got a heart transplant. HawkMan is a liver transplant patient. I am a bone marrow transplant patient (though you can donate that while you are living, it is a bit different). Please register, you could save a life, you could save somebody really awesome's life. Just ask my donor, he'll tell you how fabulous I am, just as I tell you how fabulous he is.

Wouldn't it be just so terrific if you died and your organs went to somebody just totally fabulous? Seriously, think about it.

Thank you! Have a nice day! Please do pray for Aiden,
Even if you don't really pray, please it isn't for you this time, its for Aiden,
Thank you, Miss E.

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

Happy Easter!

Dear Reader,

My Grannee and Young Cousin are home now. We had a great week with them. They left this morning at about 6:30ish. Things are already back to normal here, very exciting events have already occurred since they left.

I made lasagna for dinner tonight. There were some noodles left over that didn't make it into the dinner, so I fed them to the chickens in the back yard. Stinky was helping me. My dad was washing his car in the drive way, but I couldn't see him very well because my view was blocked by the van, hill, and car-port. When I was done, I went to the garage to wash the wet noodle slime off of my hands. I found Mom pacing around on the phone. She was animated, waving her hands in the air, and had a look of urgency on her face.

I ignored it. She was probably frustrated with some insurance person.

I turned on the sink in the garage to wash my hands.

"There's no water." I said.

"I know." I heard from my pacing mother, "You're dad hit the well."

I got up to inspect the scene of the incident. My dad was not giving his car a bath as I had thought. Instead his car was parked next to a gushing water fountain that was right where our old water pump used to be.

My cup runneth over.

Dancing with excitement, I bounced over to the miniature Ol' Faithful and stuck my hands in to wash off my noodle slime. I went back into the garage, soaped up my hands with a bar of soap, went outside to rinse it off, and discovered the fountain was no longer spewing forth any water.

Holding my hands up in the air, I went back in the garage and discovered that my pacing mother had disappeared. I knocked on the door to the house.

Mom opened it for me. I explained my hands in the air with, "My hands are covered in soap." She was quite humored by this and offered me a baby wipe, which didn't work, and then some hand sanitizer, which also didn't help get the soap off.

Eventually I found an old water bottle that nobody was claiming and Mom poured it over my hands slowly so I could wash the dry soapy sticky off.

Immediately after my hands were free I got the camera and went out to access the damage with Mom. The dogs also felt the need to help with the inspection.

From left to right: Mom's hand, Clown, Baby, and Piggy

The pipes inside were very broken, even with the big concrete box protecting them. Dad just ran right into it. Everyone was having a hard time believing it, especially Baby.

Anyway, we weren't that long without water. The Plumber Man and his wife came over and fixed it straight away. They were very nice people. I gave the Plumber Man some of my lasagna and he said it was really good. They gave us a very good price for fixing the well, I think my lasagna had something to do with that, but I'm not sure.

So, yeah. Things are definitely back to normal at the Ellaneous house.

I hope you had a Happy Easter! May your cup gusheth over!
Miss Ellaneous

Friday, March 26, 2010

The Young Cousin

Dear Reader,

You know how I've been saying at the end of my last couple posts how nervous I am about the Young Cousin coming? The above picture is of the Young Cousin and Grannee. Just look at them. They look so harmless and sweet in that picture right? Well, this picture is a shining example of how looks can be deceiving.

Don't get me wrong, Grannee is great! She does all the Grannee things, snuggles, hugs, cookies, and such, and the Young Cousin is very sweet, but.... well...

I am 15 years old (and really old mentally), she is 11. I am the older cousin, I am a female, I (no matter what I do, or how much she teases me about being nerdy or uncool) am the bee's-pajamas to her. Which is great! However it comes with responsibilities. I work hard to be a good older cousin to her, and sometimes it is really hard work, thus my anxiety.

The Young Cousin likes attention. She calls often, at least once a week, which is also great, she is the only person who calls me on a regular basis. I like that she calls, it makes me feel like I am special to her.

Sometimes all the attention she requires is too much for me though.

The Young Cousin is a victim of her own imagination, and also suffers from EDQD (Extreme Drama Queen Disorder) and YEEMS (Your Emotions Entertain Me Syndrome).

Tragic. I know.

She makes up tons of stuff to get attention so you can't really believe anything she says, which presents its difficulties. She is never wrong either. Like when she was telling me about the Twilight Series, she's read all 4 books you know, and how Jacob Black is a vampire. I have read all the books too (I don't recommend them, the characters are not consistent) and reminded her that Jacob was a werewolf. She said, "No. He's a vampire." and I being the mentally mature 15 year old that I am, told my 11 year old cousin, "No. He's a werewolf."







"Fine! Let me skim through the book and find out." The Young Cousin finally says.

"Okay, try New Moon, it is all about Jacob." I say, thinking there is no way she is "skimming" through those books.

"Okay. Oh yeah!" She exclaims, "Here it is. I forgot, Jacob is a werewolf!"

*rolls eyes*

So anyway, I am a bit nervous about her coming. It is great having somebody crave your attention, but sometimes a respite is necessary. I just worry that I won't be able to stay good the whole week, but I'll try, and the Young Cousin is very sweet and good. When I mess up and lose it with her, she always forgive me. She's a real friend.

I hope you have a great weekend!
The mature, Miss E.

Wednesday, March 24, 2010

My IB Application Result and Babies

Dear Reader,

Sorry I haven't written in so long! You poor dears. I have news for you though that will hopefully explain everything.

I got an email from Mr. I'm-in-charge-of-the-IB-program on Monday. Here is what is said:

Attached is the official letter concerning your status in PIBS for next year.
Yes, you were accepted. However, there is one small provision to your acceptance for next year. Because PIBS and IB students have to attend school (there are some IB assessments that are given in an interactive group setting), the Application Committee has requested that you have a doctors approval releasing you to attend Lecanto High School full time. Because PIBS and IB teachers need specific training, it is not possible to do PIBS or IB on a homebound status.

Ta-da! So, I'm going to talk to Patch when I go to clinic tomorrow about it. I'm so excited, I signed up for Spanish immediately, and I am already active and activated in the course. I have turned in 3 assignments, so estoy muy bien! Besides those, I have turned in 3 assignments in my other FLVS (Florida Virtual School) classes too, one in each of Biology (Honors), Geometry (Honors), and Life Management Skills. So that is 6 total today. Since Monday, I have been doing very much schoolwork everyday. See even if I don't make it to school this coming year, Mr. I'm-in-charge-of-the-IB-program says that he will work with me so that I pick the best courses so I could start the IB program at it's official start date, which is the 11th grade year.

He also says, Miss E.,"you have struck me as a very articulate young lady with fabulous potential." He is a really professional kind of guy so this really means a lot and it made my week! Mostly because Mom kept teasing me about how much I had worked on my essay and that it won't win any awards and they aren't going to say anything special about it... bwahahahha!

Speaking of Mom...

From Thursday night until Monday evening, I was taking care of Mom and her dog, Baby. Baby wouldn't leave Mom at all. She wouldn't go outside or ask to go potty (she wouldn't mess either, she'd just hold it in), she wouldn't go to drink, and she wouldn't leave to eat. She was hopelessly devoted. When Baby had been in bed for a while I would have to carry her outside, because if I brought her to the door and told her to "Go outside." she would refuse me. I brought both Mom and Baby food and water while Mom was sick, and they had their meals in bed. Baby is a very good dog to Mom.

Mom is doing much better now, she is out of bed during the day and even managed to drop-off and pick-up Brother from school today. Brother, who by the way, got voted as the 8th grade male with the "Best Personality" by his peers. There seems to be sufficient hope that she will be able to handle my clinic appointment tomorrow. I'm very thankful for that. She was really sick from this chemo.

Back to the subject of babies, I thought you might like to know, Reader, that Springs first baby chicks have arrived! My Dad's hobby is chickens, and every year he says, "I am not going to hatch anymore." So, here are is the first hatch of the season! Sorry they aren't totally fuzzy and utterly adorable, they were already about 6 days old when I took the picture.

I hope you have a great day! God's blessings!
Miss Ellaneous, Future IB Student

P. S. The Young Cousin and Grannee are going to arrive here March 30th, which is only 6 days away! I am praying that I keep my head and am a good "favorite cousin" while they are here.

Saturday, March 20, 2010


Dear Reader,

I've been very busy lately.

I maybe got 4 hours or so of sleep on Wednesday night. Thursday was Mom's chemo day. I got up at about 6:30am to get ready to go with her. I was taking one of my best friends (and cousin) with, she is on spring break from her boarding school in Massachusetts. We picked her at the middle school. I'll code-name her Pursey (she was Judge before, but I didn't think that was a good code-name). I'll tell you a bit about her.

I had a really hard time picking her code-name. I've known her for as long as I can remember and we were always friends. Her mom and my dad's families are friends. Our parents grew up together in the Philippines. Then we happened to bump into them sometime a long time ago here in Florida, and it was like a surprise family reunion. It turns out that their two kids were just about the same age as me and Brother, Pursey is almost a year my senior, and we've been family every since. Pursey's sister is Sleeping Beauty. Pursey has her name because I remember giving her that nick-name a long time ago, because she used to like purses a lot. She still does, but I think she likes what you can do with a well equipped purse more. Also, she could have that code-name because she really likes these books in the series "Percy Jackson and the Olympians".

So anyway, Pursey and I went to get chemo with Mom. Mom slept the whole time almost and Pursey and I watched the movie called "The Ugly Truth." There were a lot of sexual references in that movie and Pursey kept giggling because there was an old lady in the cubicle next to us who could very probably hear every word.

Anyway, we brought Pursey home with us and kept her for a bit. We wanted to keep her longer, but we had to return her eventually. By that night, Mom was already starting to feel pretty icky.

Now, Mom feels really icky. She's managed to keep herself from hurling, but she really feels awful. So we are praying for her healing, that this chemo will work. I've been pretty much hanging out close to her if I can. I bring her what she needs and keep her company.

So aside from all the Mom news. Even more has happened. My commercial thing for Florida Virtual School (FLVS) has come out. You can watch it HERE. I'm in there a couple times. The lady who sent it to me said that they will be making more versions, and to watch the channel if you want to see them.

Also, today I'm going to a golf tournament to accept a gift of money. There is a guy, who I think his name is Joe, and he raises money for leukemia patients who have gotten a bone marrow transplant. He gives it to them to help out. I'm hoping to go up and say some words of gratitude. Its actually a great way to network. People remember people who go up and say things often times, you can only benefit from it in the long run.

So, that is pretty much what I have been up to. It doesn't sound like as much as it is here, but oh well. Tomorrow, Rio's friend is having a birthday party at a park and I'm hoping to go with. I haven't been feeling super awesome though, so I don't know. I think I might have caught a tiny something at one of the meetings I went to Tuesday.

I got to go get ready for the tournament now. I'll write again later.
Miss E.

P.S. The Young Cousin and Grannee are coming to visit in less than 2 weeks. I'm still a bit nervous about it.

Monday, March 15, 2010

PIBS Application News

Dear Reader,

I got some news on my PIBS program application, and on Brother's application. Here is the news on Brother's....

Dear PIBS Applicant for the Class of 2014:

It is with pleasure that we can inform you that you have been accepted into the PIBS class of 2014 at High School.

Yay! That is so exciting for Brother! He is very happy about that. His friend, Angler, and The Lion King have also been accepted. The Lion King is his friend who has this big poof of fluffy blonde curly hair on his head. Brother seems to be pretty excited about being accepted, for Brother anyway.

Mom, Dad, and I are very proud of him.

They will have to wait to be proud of me though. Here is the news I got concerning my application...

Dear Applicants:

We had more applicants for the 9th grade class than we had expected.
Therefore, we have only just finished our evaluations of those students and will begin the evaluations for the 10th graders starting tomorrow.

I regret to inform you that we will not be able to notify you of your status in 10th grade PIBS at High School UNTIL next Monday at the earliest.

So there you have it! Those PIBS people sure are lucky that I am super good at waiting for things. I'll let you know when I know more.

Miss Ellaneous, proud sister of a PIBS student

Saturday, March 13, 2010

Don't Worry, the Grass is Green

Dear Reader,

I know it is been a while since I last wrote and you guys are probably terribly worried by now. I hope I haven't driven you to insanity with the anxiety I have caused you. If I have, then my sincerest apologies belong to you.

Okay! So, quite a bit, but yet not too much, has been happening here in the past week. I know you probably want to hear about Mom and what the plan is for her, so I will start with that.

There is no plan.

Okay! So, now that I have alleviated your anxiety on that subject, I will move on. I had FCATs yesterday.
The Florida Comprehensive Assessment Test® (FCAT) is part of Florida’s overall plan to increase student achievement by implementing higher standards. The FCAT, administered to students in Grades 3-11, consists of criterion-referenced tests(CRT) in mathematics, reading, science, and writing, which measure student progress toward meeting the Sunshine State Standards (SSS) benchmarks.
I did the Reading and Mathematics test, I still have 1 session left for the Math but I will do it on Monday. Monday! Monday the 15th! That is the day that I find out the verdict apropos (apropos = concerning) my PIBS application.

Okay, I will tell you a bit more about Mom because I'm very intuitive and I'm sensing that you aren't satisfied with what I have told you. There really is no plan, I don't know why. There was a plan, but her doctor's office called yesterday (twice during my FCAT) and left a message for Mom to call them back ASAP (As Soon As Possible). By the time Mom got the message, it was the weekend and nobody was at the office. The plans are off for now, and the metastasized ovarian cancer is going to have to wait.

Back to my week. Mom and I made a new recipe on Tuesday! The same day, I watched my Dad shave a pineapple. So, now I know how. I learn well by watching, and I literally got a chair, sat and watched him. Since then, I have eaten all of the teaching pineapple and there is a new 'victim pineapple' waiting for me to lacerate it.

The new food that Mom and I made is pictured below. I only remembered to take a picture after I had taken a small bite, so that is the piece that is missing. It was chicken on top of yellow rice. Mom browned some chicken legs and thighs first. Then, we diced a red pepper, a green pepper, and an onion, sautéed it and mixed it with the yellow rice I had cooked on the stove top. We put the rice in a glass 9" by 13" pan and then put the chicken on top and then baked it. I sprinkled some pepper and parsley on the top of the chicken before sending it in the oven, so it would be prettier. It was really good.

Thursday I thought was a pretty exciting day because it rained all day and the whole county was experiencing very large puddles. I went with to get Brother that day and took some pictures. This is a picture of the river that was on the highway to the school.

When we got to the school, we found out that nobody was being let out because there was a "Tornado Warning" going on.

When the cops first came out with the megaphone, he said that they should be lifting the warning soon and the kids would be out. He came out a couple minutes later saying that the students would be allowed out at 3. So, we had to wait for about 20 minutes.

By the time we got to the school, the rain had stopped, and we were only left with puddles. Though I still thought it was all very exciting.

I hope you liked all my pictures. The ground has already soaked up all that water, and since then, it has rained again. The earth is loving it and so are the wildlife. Many plants are already bright green, and yesterday the frogs were singing very loudly.

I'm hoping that it is going to keep getting greener here. The Young Cousin and Grannee are coming to visit at the end of the month, and it would be so nice if the grass was greener for their arrival. I'll write more about that later though, the Young Cousin is really something else.

I hope you have a great weekend, and that your grass is nice and green,
Miss E.

Wednesday, March 3, 2010

The Girls Are Staying

Dear Reader,

Mom has been teasing me a bit since I posted my last post. I misunderstood something.

See, about a week ago, I went with Mom to Moffitt because she was having an ultra-sound of her breast done. Then, they found the abnormal lumps and she had a biopsy. The biopsy came back and said that was metastasized ovarian cancer present, like I said in my last post. So (silly, ignorant me) I thought that she had ovarian cancer in her breast. "How is that possible?" you might ask. I don't know, but taking the information I had known, that is what I had concluded.

In my brain, it made sense that Mom might need to pull a St. Agatha and get the girls chopped off.

However, Mom's ovarian cancer hasn't invaded her bosoms like I had thought. As Mom says, "Why would I need a mastectomy for ovarian cancer?" The ovarian cancer had invaded her lymph system a while ago and traveled up into a lymph that is in the side/chest area. I guess her melon isn't rotten after all, so there is no need to throw it away. The missile is not going to be launched at this time. I am not going to go shopping with Mom for custom bras, or get to see what I would look like with DD boobs anytime soon.

So sorry if you are disappointed,
Miss E.

Tuesday, March 2, 2010

Mom's Metastasis

Dear Reader,

Today Mom found out the result of her biopsy. She tested positive for metastasized ovarian cancer. For those of you who don't know what "metastasized" means here is a definition for you from my dictionary...
metastasize |məˈtastəˌsīz|verb [ intrans. ] Medicine(of a cancer) spread to other sites in the body by metastasis : cancers that metastasize to the brain.

for those of you who don't know what "metastasis" is, here is another peek in my dictionary...
metastasis |məˈtastəsəs|noun ( pl. -ses |-ˌsēz|) Medicinethe development of secondary malignant growths at a distance from a primary site of cancer.
So, there you go. My Mom is already a two time ovarian cancer survivor. She has a gene in her body called BRCA1. It runs in Mom's side of family, for generations women on my mother's side of the family got either breast cancer or ovarian cancer when they reached about 40 years old. My mother, her mother, her mother's mother and more were carriers. My mother's sisters aren't known to have the gene.

This is going to be Mom's 3rd time with cancer. Her kind of cancer is a kind that most of the time just keeps coming back until you die from it, but there are always some people who don't go with the flow. So, we are hoping that Mom is one of those. She is going to start chemo again soon, and we'll see how it goes from there.

If she has to get her boob cut off, I am looking forward to going shopping for those bras with the boobs in them with her. I've always wanted to try those on.

Please tell your Mom that you love her if you do,
Miss E.

Monday, March 1, 2010

The Sweet Lady

Dear Reader,

Sweet Lady was Mom's patient a few years ago. When my mom is working, she is an Occupational Therapist. My mom took Sweet Lady to be her patient for some extra work, it was her only patient at the time because I was sick. She was normally at home taking care of me. My mom hasn't had a patient since Sweet Lady.

I used to go with Mom to Sweet Lady's house. It was very clean and there was a carpeted living-room to the right when you walked in where nobody was allowed. It always had vacuum lines on it. I would just say "Hi" to her and either read or play Webkinz on her computer while Mom gave her therapy. I didn't really talk much to her, just the usual pleasantries, ask her about the pictures on her refrigerator, stuff like that, but I liked her. I was happy to see her when we went to her house.

My mom kept in-touch with her via email. When I got MDS (Myelodysplastic Syndrome) and had to get a bone marrow transplant and was living at Ronald McDonald House she sent me lots of cards. I think it is safe to say she sent at least one card a week, probably every time Mom got the mail there was a card from here there. I wrote her emails sometimes, mostly to thank her for the cards and the prayers.

Mom found out that Sweet Lady died about a week ago. A woman called my mom and said, "You were on my mom's call list..."

We went to the funeral today. Once we got in the church, we were quickly met by a woman, who I found out was the Lady's daughter. She looked like she had been doing alright keeping her tears inside her. She didn't have a tissue in her hand or a red nose or anything. My mom introduced herself, turned and started introducing me, "and this is my daughter..." and I said, "I'm ..." and as soon as I got my name out the daughter's eyes were filled with tears, and she put her hand on her mouth and said, "Oh. This is her." as if I was something so precious. She was so happy I had come.

We got into the church area where the service was to be held and I met the rest of her family, mostly all of them seem to know who I was. Sweet Lady had told them of me. They had kind of, "You're the one." reactions. Like I was something really great and lovely, much better than a celebrity.

Mom and I got into the church and got seated. There were 6 people besides us there that weren't family. It seemed like 4 neighbor kind of people, 1 friend, and that friend's daughter or care-taker. The 4 neighbor people were all quite elderly looking and so was the 1 friend, but the 4 neighbor people whispered loudly to each other before and after the service. I guess the weren't very close to Sweet Lady. They didn't seem very sad at all. Maybe they had been expecting her to die, she was 2 days away from 85 years old... I wasn't surprised in her death either, but I was a lot sadder. I barely talked the whole time except for introducing myself to family and saying, "Nice to meet you."

After the service ended, we went out of the church to give condolences to some of the family. They thanked us so much for coming, especially me. The daughter teared up again thanking me, but she is a person that dries her tears quickly, they were stuffed away by the time she turned from me. The grandson thanked me too with tears glistening in his eyes, he was very close to Sweet Lady. They made sure that I knew how much it meant that I came.

Mom told me that the Sweet Lady really loved me, and that is why her kids and those close to her were so happy that I came. I really meant a lot to her. I was quite confused. I expressed to Mom that I had no idea why that was, I didn't do anything.... Mom told me that I will never know or understand the effect I have on people. I'm quite sure that I agree with her on that, but I will always remember Sweet Lady, the cards she sent, the vacuum lines on her blue carpet, and the look that the people close to her gave me at her funeral.

May you have a great day,
Sincerely, Miss E.

Saturday, February 27, 2010

My IB Application Essay

Dear Reader,

This is my 50th post!!! That is exciting.

In my last post, I put a copy of Brother's IB application essay and I asked you, Reader, to send me a message or comment if you wanted to also see mine. If I got at least 8 comments/messages I would post my essay.

I got more than 8 messages showing interest in my essay, so here you are! Oh, but first I'll post my prompt........

Starting a new school or a new program like PIBS can present challenges to anyone. Please answer the following questions to the best of your ability.

What challenges do you foresee if you are accepted as a PIBS student; what strengths do you have to meet these challenges; and what will you as a person be able to add to Lecanto High School and the PIBS program.

And now, my essay.........

I read this prompt and thought it sounded easy. However, I'm having a lot of trouble with it. I didn't want to tell you because I want you to treat me like you would any other student, but I've been out of school for about 6 years because of cancer, a bone marrow transplant, and related complications. High school only exists in my imagination. I would have just as much luck answering questions about the challenges of going to high school as a high school student would answering questions about the challenges of having cancer. Nevertheless, I'll try to answer your questions to the best of my ability.

If I am accepted as a PIBS student, I either see no challenges or so many challenges that I literally burst into tears. I know nothing about school or what the challenges could be, anything could happen. I am a bit worried about getting around, navigation and contact with persons and objects specifically. Though I'm trying to get on a normal schedule and am doing different physical activity to build my strength and endurance, I'm not in great physical shape and taking the stairs might really exhaust me. The kids behind me may trample me because I'm going too slow. If I bump into people, get shoved, or walk into a door, table, chair, or desk, I'm sure to get a big black bruise because I have low platelets. What will happen if I get too many?

Then there is the intensity of the program. Right now I know I'm not doing as much school work as the PIBS students are. If I get accepted, I expect I'll be behind my classmates a bit. I'm working towards getting my PE credit online, and plan to start Spanish upon acceptance to PIBS to help catch up. I do mostly virtual school classes which take a lot of discipline and hard work, but I don't know how much I can handle. I want to enjoy being a high schooler, but what if the PIBS program is too much?

If I do get to go to school, and if I am accepted to PIBS, I'll probably have to go to the bathroom to cry between every class because I'll be so happy. The challenges don't matter to me. I'll take them. If I'm teased, or bruised, or a bit behind, or a slow-poke on the stairs, or if I have to work really hard, it will all be for the better. I'll do it all happily because I want to go so badly. I'll try to be as careful as I can to avoid getting bruises. If I am behind and have to catch up, I'll do it. I've done it many times before and I can do it again. Whatever I have to do, I will get it done. If I get overwhelmed I will ask for help, and I will listen. My discipline, dedication, strength and perseverance will enable me to succeed in my intentions of flattering the success rate of the PIBS program. I will not fail or disappoint you or me. Going to school and being in PIBS means too much to me to waste, it would be a fantasy brought to life.

Hope you liked it well enough, Reader. Have a great weekend! Brother is at a soccer tournament, Angler and his family drove him there. We are going to pick him up.

Thank you all sooo much for the messages and comments. I really do enjoy reading them.
~Miss Ellaneous

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Brother's IB Application Essay

Dear Reader,

3 pretty exciting things happened today. I'll list them in the order they happened.

1. My application to the PIBS (Pre-International Baccalaureate of Studies) got brought to the High School.
2. Mom got her biopsy.
3. Brother finished writing his application essay to PIBS.

This morning Mom got a call from Moffitt saying that they have an appointment available for consultation if she got there as soon as possible. So, she woke me up and told me she where she was going. The first thing my sleepy mind could think to say was, "Please drop off my application on the way."

Mom got in the car with my application and raced to Moffitt.

She called me later and said that they were going to try to get her biopsy done today while she was there. It is a little frightening how quickly Moffitt wants to get all this stuff done for her, it makes me think that they are really expecting to find something. They did the biopsy and then Mom was on her way home.

While she was gone, I got an email from Mr. I'm-In-Charge-of-the-IB-Program saying that my application was received. Okay, so I emailed him first to make sure it got there safely, but I was just checking on it...

Brother came home and he worked on writing his essay application for the PIBS program. You have to have it written in your own handwriting to turn it in, and it has to fit on the given space. Tomorrow is the deadline. His essay is really good. I'm glad I read his after mine was already delivered because I might have felt the need to rewrite mine again... I've written 5 different essays so far and rewritten the 4th and 5th ones too many times to count. Brother only wrote one draft and one final and his was great. That stinker.

I asked him if I could post his essay here on my page, and he agreed. So, I'm going to do that now. See, Mom gets her results from the biopsy next week, and Brother and I get the results from our applications by March 15th. So, depending on news about that I might not have space for the essay later.

This is Brother's writing prompt:

The International Baccalaureate program of studies aims to develop students who are Inquirers, Knowledgeable, Thinkers, Communicators, Principled, Caring, Open-Minded, Risk-Takers, Balanced, Reflective.

Considering the above, write the best essay that you can that expresses which of the above traits are your strengths and which are your weaknesses.

And this is Brother's essay:

IP Learner Profile: My Strengths, My Weaknesses

Here's just another essay to critique. What makes this one unique? That's right, nothing! I am very much like all of your other high profile applicants. I excel at being open-minded and inquiring. However I'm not a caring person, nor am I well principled.

To begin with, open-mindedness is my greatest strength. You may have guessed this from my introduction. In group work, I tend to be the one with the most ideas, but I also listen to the ideas of my peers. It's not because of my good looks that I'm almost always the first pick to be in a group.

Second is my most piercing weakness; I am not a caring person. In most cases, it's your own fault for the predicament you're in, so why should I go out of my way to help? Once, a classmate asked me to spare him a pencil. In order to administer him a pencil I'd have to discontinue my work and rummage through my binder for him. So instead I say, "Learn the hard way."

Another strength of mine is that Im an inquirer. Remember that saying, "It's curiosity that killed the cat."? I think I very well could be the reincarnation of that cat. In fact, a few days ago I rediscovered a remote control sports car that was once my childhood obsession. My traits of inquiry further provoked me, and I found that after all this time it still worked. Diving deeper, I dismantled what was once the only thing I cared for in order to perceive how it functioned. I swear if I had been born before Newton, I'd have been the one to give gravity a name; probably a cooler one too.

Lastly, I have a weakness in principle. Sometimes I just blatantly slip away from my usual angelic self. There are many instances in class when I complete my word or soak up the lesson too proficiently. With this time to myself I sometimes end up taking a nap, talking, or in the worst cases, throwing paper. Although I believe that in the IB program there will not be time for insubordinate nonsense; nor will it be tolerated.

All in all, this concludes my self assessment. My strengths reside in being open-minded and inquiring. My weaknesses are of being caring and principled. Maybe I'm not like the other applicants after all.

Pretty good, huh?

Reader, if you want to read my essay, I will post it, but it isn't like Brother's. It isn't funny or smart or very different. Brother just wrote his and I worked on mine for weeks. If our essays weren't so different I would say that his is definitely better than mine, which seems so unfair considering I worked on mine for weeks and he just breezed through his... I guess he has a flair for writing.

If you are interested in reading my essay, please comment or contact me some how. I know now that most of you know very well how to get a hold of me :-) If I get 8 comments or messages of interest in my essay I will post it. I usually get 3 or 4 comments (My #1 Fan, My #2 Fans, and Polly I can practically always depend on, and I'm starting to get more frequent message givers, which is really exciting!) so if I get double that then that probably means somebody really is interested.

To leave a comment, go to and scroll down to the end of the post that is there. You will see the word "comments" underlined and there might be a number next to it. Click on the underlined word "comments" and then a way to leave a comment should appear. If you can't figure it out on your own from there then you have an ID ten T error and I can't help you much further.

If you are an email subscriber, if you just treat it like a regular email and hit "reply" the message you send will go straight to my inbox. A surprising number of you did this when I wrote about it raining here, so I know you know how to do it.

I have to go to bed now,
Sincerely, Miss E.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Prayers Please!

Dear Reader,

Just so you know, it has stopped raining here. Thank you all so much for all your messages. It was very nice of you all to send them, thank you for the advice, and for the nice comments.

I got my application essay finished and written out, it is in an envelope ready to bring to High School tomorrow. Since the post, I talk with a good friend in real life (not cyberspace), and more things were put on the table, and it helped a lot. I'm back to being my happy self now! Amazing how some people can miraculously recover from misery.

This is a very good thing because I need to be a bit brighter than usual right now so that other people will feel it. My mom had a breast ultra-sound yesterday and Moffitt called today and said that they found something abnormal, and now she has to get a biopsy.

Mom is a 2 time Ovarian cancer survivor, and the gene for Ovarian and Breast cancer are the same. My mom carries this gene. However, sometimes biopsies do read negative, so we are hoping for that. Still, I'm quite sure that she is scared, and I'm a bit scared for her.

As for me and my health, well I'm surely not the one to be worrying about. I'm doing real good right now. I went down on my Prednisone (puffy face steroid) a couple days ago to 8 & 10mg alternating daily, this is the lowest dose I have been on since I was put on the drug. So, it is a pretty big deal.

I'm already seeing some affects of the successful decrease in steroids. My blood pressure is starting to regulate so I take less blood pressure meds, and my clothes from 6th grade fit again. I'm so glad that I seem to be getting better and I think Mom is too. I don't think either of us can take being quarantined much longer.

Yesterday was Mom's appointment at Moffitt and I drove her there and back. On the way back we stopped at Kohl's to exchange some shirts and I went in (mask on of course, but still) and I got 3 awesome new shirts! I really like them, and I'm so excited about them. I'm really looking forward to picking my own clothes, even if I have to use some of my own money.

We needed gas on the way home too, so we stopped at a gas station. Mom wanted me to go in there too, but I declined. However she came back with some nachos and hot cheese and I wanted those. They were NOT low-microbial, but she let me have as many as I wanted. I took only 3, but she offered more. I think I must be a better waiter than she is. She misses shopping with me a lot, she mentions it almost every time she comes back from shopping alone or shopping with Brother (which is harder than shopping alone sometimes).

Anyway, I have to go now. I've been waking up earlier, and I am tired now. I guess I'm getting healthier. I think healthy people have bed times and schedules..... How exciting!

Please pray for my mommy. I don't know if you should pray for negative results or what, but please pray for help for her. I told her that her boobs don't look any bigger, but there is still worry. What ever the results of the biopsy are, I don't want it to hurt her, my mom.

Thank you,

Saturday, February 20, 2010

Its Raining.

Dear Reader,

I usually don't do posts like this one, but I'm getting rather desperate. If you rather read something more cheerful, please do. Maybe try reading The Meanest Mom's blog, her posts always make your day lighter.

See, Reader, I have been raining on and off for the past three days.

I didn't want anybody to know why, I don't even think I wanted myself to know, but yesterday Rosetta Stone (my home-bound teacher) came and she got it out of me. My cards were on the table, and they were all blank.

I'm very thankful to Rosetta Stone, because I needed what she did for me. However, now that I openly talked about and thought about the reason for my tears, I can't seem to turn them off very long. My thoughts plague me. I'm starting to become something I'm not and something I never want to be, miserable. Maybe you don't realize this, but it is impossible to be miserable for anybody but yourself. You can be sad for others, cry your eyes out because of other people's pain, you can even pain for their pain for a while, but you can't be miserable for them.

Not to insult people or make anyone feel bad (I don't want any Emo people to go and kill themselves) but being miserable is selfish. That is the truth.

I don't want to be miserable in anyway. So this is why I am desperate. I need help. I can not be miserable.

The storm came three days ago in the form of an IB application. I know, that is predictable, but just wait. I was nervous about it, so my mom read it. I had worked hard on it, it was my third application essay, and what I wanted to be my last. Mom gave me some suggestions about it, and I just started crying.

For your information, I don't like doing this. I do not like crying in front of people, especially when it is because they are telling me that I could do something better. I should be able to take that, I'm not a wimp, so I shouldn't act like one.

I'm the only one in my immediate family that cries much. My parents don't cry, if you catch my mom crying, somebody probably died, and my dad? If my dad is crying then either Brother, Myself or Mom is considerably close to death (in his eyes, which means you are way closer than comfortable) or dead. If Brother cries, then he does it in his room because I don't see him doing it either. I'm the odd one out.

Usually when I cry, I try to cry for other people. Though I do cry for myself way more than I like to, and usually Mom is around so somebody does see me. When I cry for others it is usually in my room at night during prayers. Only God sees me then.

I'm telling you this because I'm desperate, just so you don't forget.

So anyway, Mom gave me her suggestions and I cried. Well, we fix things like that in my family. So I tried to figure out why I had done that to her, apologized, told her the reason, and done. She wasn't mad at me or anything, it was just bothering me so I had to take care of it. That is how I am and how I've been taught, if something is bothering you do something about it. No. Don't just do "something" do the right thing, fix it with the person whom it concerns.

So, I did that. The problem was, I was still bothered.

I woke up Friday, and my aura still wasn't its usual happy pink.

I distracted myself as much as I could. I went back to bed after I woke up, when I woke up again I read a distracting book, I busied myself with errands, tried to get distracted with a Geography text book (it worked better than I thought), and then was making dinner. Everything was alright now, I was distracted. Then Rosetta Stone arrived.

Everything was fine and dandy the first few minutes, until my essay for the IB program came up. I had sent her a copy.

Rosetta Stone asked me if was happy with my work, and I told her I was. So she said, "Are you sure?" and I said, "Yep!" She told me that she had shown it to one of my ex-teachers (the gifted teacher at the middle school) who had told her that she'd seen much better work from me than that essay.

So then we started talking about what was wrong with it. Well, there wasn't anything wrong with it, it just wasn't my best work. There wasn't much of *me* in it, it was written like I had tried to give them what they wanted when I didn't know what they really wanted.

Maybe you should see my prompt for it, so I can tell the story better. PIBS stands for "Pre-IB". Here it is:

"Starting a new program like PIBS can present challenges to anyone. Please answer the following questions to the best of your ability. - What challenges do you foresee if you are accepted as a PIBS student; what strengths do you have to meet these challenges; and what will you as a person be able to add to High School and the PIBS program?"

So we started with the first question, what challenges do I foresee. In the essay I had basically put that the challenges I see are the challenges of the unknown, and that I would do whatever to deal with them when they came up. So we talked about that, I guess I could have given a better answer....

We talked about challenges, we got to thinking out loud about high school and what would be challenges for me. She asked me what I thought high school was like.

So that is when my guts started to spill out. What is high school like? What kind of question is that? How should I know? High school is a product of my imagination, a dream. What is Atlantis like? What is it like to visit a land with unicorns, rainbows, flying pigs with wings, and leprechauns? High school?!

So I started talking. I didn't want to think about high school, I'll keep my memories of middle school locked up and safe, but I don't want any ideas about high school in there. I don't want to think about what my challenges will be if I get accepted to PIBS or if I even get to go to school because I don't want to think about going to school at all. I can't think going is even a real possibility because if I do that and I don't get to go...... "I will die a little." doesn't describe it well enough.

If I keep my brain not thinking about high school, not really considering it as a possibility or anything, just not thinking about it, then I am safe. I can't be disappointed. I can only be happily surprised if I do get to go. If I don't get to go, well then it would be okay because I wasn't expecting to get to go anyway. I can't help but protect myself.

However now with me filling out this application, and the deadline being in 6 days, I can't keep playing my "let's not think about it" game. My mind can't keep me safe anymore.

Maybe if I do all my crying, and drown myself in self-pitty now, then I won't do it later. I will be able to be happy for Brother when he gets to start his first year of high school while I am at home doing the 10th grade with Florida Virtual School. There won't be any sadness left in me any more by then, no more misery.

So I'm asking for help. I'm desperate. I would ask for prayers, but I don't know how much they can help anymore. God knows that I want to go to school, and I think He's doing what He can. I don't know what I need, and I just feel so awful wanting something like this. I shouldn't act like this or think this way. I don't want to. When I do, I think about Polly and Prayer, and I think about Iron Man and his legs, and I know there are way more important things, things so much more worthy of wanting. I get so disgusted with myself, and then I get even more disgusted when I think of asking for help when I'm not even worthy of it because I want something so silly. Iron Man wanted his legs to work, and Polly just wanted Prayer. She just wanted her daughter, and Prayer couldn't stay here.

I'm sorry. I don't know what to do.

I hope you have a great day, and I'm sorry if I made you feel bad. My posts are usually more perky than this. I don't mean to disappoint you.

Love, Miss E.