Saturday, August 7, 2010

School Time

Dear Reader,

I got home from Tennessee a while ago. We had a great vacation.

Brother starts school this Monday. I am very happy and excited for him. This is his first year of high school. He is also excited.

I'm a bit bummed out that I can't go to school, again. Virtual School is great - the teachers are all wonderful, the lessons are good quality, you do learn (or I do), but I just have been waiting a long time to go back to a traditional school. In 6 years, I have attended 9 weeks of traditional (i.e. in a classroom, with a teacher and other students) school, and those 9 weeks were great. I remember so much from them, and I am so very happy that I received the gift of going for that long. I even remember from over 6 years ago, from 1st to 3rd grade about school. I always liked it.

I talk about the days when I used to go to school more often than I should. From how I talk sometimes, people might think I was a normal school-going kid. When I hear myself, I always think, "Like you can talk, you haven't been to school in 3 years, and even then you were only there for 9 weeks." So, I always say, "I remember when I went to middle school for that little bit...."

All my life, I have always been one to see "the bright side" of things. At this point in my life, I don't know if that is because that is just the way I am, or if my parents helped me. Its probably both. So, while I can't help seeing the bright side of not getting to go to school this year, and not going to PIBS at all ever (because you can't start into the pre-IB program in the middle of the year), I see "the dark side" too. I don't like it either, it makes my heart heavy in my chest.

So here is my bright side: Even if I could go right now, I am way too tired. I would never make it. It is actually good that my T-Cells aren't there right now, because it would be way more awful to have the immune system but not be able to go because I'm too out of shape and tired, than to not be able to go because I don't have the immunity.

Bright side to no PIBS: If I do start in the middle of the year, I won't have as much homework. I can still be in the IB program next year.

The thing with the dark-side is, it is all sooo selfish when I say it. "I am sad that I don't get to go to school, because I want to go and I haven't been able to go in almost 6 years. I want to go so bad, and I don't get to." See how that sounds? Icky!

At least I'm getting off some meds, and hopefully that means I'm getting better. I haven't been to the hospital this year, so that is good.

So anyway, I'm trying not to be selfish about this. I can't always get what I want, and I just have to deal with it. I'm still very excited for Brother, and I hope he enjoys his first day very much.

Miss E.

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