Excited, Line-less and a Loser

Dear Reader,

I'm home now. I arrived yesterday night. I am very excited, actually I don't know that excited is the word, but I am very happy and I guess a bit giddy. Well, it is like this....

I am a happy, jolly, jubilant kind of person most of the time. I think some people see it as kind of dorky.

For example, when I was in the 7th grade and I went to school I attended a school pep rally. They sat the middle school in the bleachers in 3 columns. If you faced the bleachers, the 8th grade was on the left, the 7th grade in the middle, and the 6th grade on the right. I went with my REACH class, and sat (of course) next to the teacher. My class occupied the very front row of the bleachers, and when I looked to my left I saw right across from me in the very front row of the 6th graders, my brother! So, of course I started to try to get his attention, and when we made eye-contact I smiled a super smile, shouted, "Hi!!!" and waved to him with great enthusiasm. He acknowledged my kind greeting by my making an "L" with his index finger and thumb and placing it upon his forehead.

Anyway, that feeling that caused me to smile and wave with such great enthusiasm is what I am feeling now. I guess that would be excitement, right? I don't know. I'm feeling this feeling because I am, for the first time in over 5 years, without any kind of line inside my body.

I have no port, no mid-line, no broviac, no IV, no nothing. There is no rubber or metal or anything inside me right now.

Its kind of like a bra. You start wearing one pretty early on, and you get really used to it. It becomes a necessity. The girls feel right when secured in a good bra. When you take off your bra, you feel a certain loose freedom, maybe a little exposed, like you couldn't go out in public. However, the feeling is also kind of nice and definitely one you could get used to. That is how I feel now, bra-less. Bra-less and excited.

And naughty.

I'm confused.

Dear Reader,

Yesterday House told me that the plan was for me to go home today. So, I might be going home today, but I might not be to. Nothing is set in stone for me really...

Anyway, the lab came into my room this morning at 6am to turn on my light and wake me up, oh and to draw my blood too. This lab lady did a little better though, she didn't use the super bright light and she used a nice voice. It is a big improvement from turning on all my lights and saying, "Its time to draw your labs!" with no effort at gentleness or quietness. She did a good job.

So I was up a bit early because of my lab draw. I went to use the facility after she left and when I got back in bed I thought I might like to check my email. So, I got out my iTouch that my #2 Fans got my for my birthday and went to town. The only new message was from facebook saying that I have a friend request from a girl I used to go to school with, so I got out of "mail" and went to facebook and accepted.

I was snooping around her facebook page, you know, checking it out. I hadn't seen the girl since two years ago in the 7th grade. I was reading her info, and well, it made me upset. So, that is why I'm on here and not sleeping.

In her info it basically tells her name, says she "took my first brath of polluted air in america" 14 years ago, currently lives in "this piece of crap they call a state, florida", and has a simple life that includes "guy troubles, parent troubles, sibling troubles..... the usual". I just found that upsetting.

After reading this, I turned off my toy and tried to go back to sleep, but was unsuccessful. I kept thinking about that girl and about Big Wig's son who is here on 2SW right now.

Big Wig is the mother of another transplant kid on the floor. Her son is older than me. She is code-named Big Wig because she likes big wigs and wants to wear them. Her son is here on the floor right now. He just got moved here from the ICU.

He got transplanted after me, so I'm farther post transplant than him. His donor was his brother though, and he was considerably farther along in recovery from his transplant than I was. He was already going and doing a lot of things, and had energy a lot of the time. He had two types of cancer before his BMT (bone marrow transplant). One was a solid tumor one and one was the kind that a BMT would cure.

I think I'll code-name him Iron Man. Last time he was in ICU he hadn't slept in so long, so they game him drugs to induce sleep. It made him have crazy dreams and apparently he was a contestant with his brother on an show where you compete to become the "iron man". Plus, I think he is really a real "iron man" of sorts, I mean he seems to have that air about him.

When we got to clinic the day I was admitted, Agent 99 asked us if we had talked to Big Wig recently. We said, "No. How is she? Is something wrong with Iron Man?" She told us that he was in the hospital, and we could ask Big Wig about it once we got here. Mom asked if it was good or not and by the way Agent 99 said, "No." you could tell that it wasn't.

Iron Man is on the floor now, they brought him up from the ICU a couple days ago. His solid tumors are back. They are on his spine and they are growing super duper fast. The medical professionals are saying that "It's not good." Its the kind of not good that has the nurses tearing up in the hallways and makes them go silent when you enter their area. The doctors told Big Wig that if they choose not to treat, they could send Iron Man home and he might have a month.

Iron Man can't walk anymore because of the tumors, but he is the Iron Man. Apparently he doesn't feel like giving up yet, he wasn't to fight. So, I'm not really all that worried about him. He's not going yet. People seem to know when it gets close to their time (especially kids) and Iron Man really doesn't seem to have that "Its my time." thing going on. My dad says (when he's having one of those "I'm the epitome of wisdom." moments) that you never die until you lose the will to live, and Iron Man seems to be far from losing that.

Anyway, so I was thinking about Iron Man and about that girl. If the air is so polluted and Florida is such a "piece of crap", then just... Well what is her problem?!?! What is wrong with people!?!?! Why can't they see the beauty in things, or be thankful or something? Why is everything in their lives so terrible and how come everything "sucks" or is "retarded"? Its not! And it just gets me.

One of the great things about being a human is the freedom. It's a big responsibility and all that, but we can make our own decisions and have that whole "free will" deal going on. She could leave anytime she wants to, and if it is so awful here, then why does she stay? You know what I'm saying? She doesn't have to live on earth if it is so polluted and poopish. She can leave if she really wants to, she has that choice. It would hurt those who love her, but if its so awful here and she would be happier somewhere else....

Iron Man doesn't think the air is dirty or the state is crappy, and people are telling him to pack his things and get ready to go......

I know I'm really strange in this area, I look at things totally different than most people, I know, but maybe you can understand. There is no doubt that Iron Man needs prayers, but in some ways he is a lot healthier than other people. I'll pray for them both, but I'm only worried about one.

Dr. House on Call

Dear Reader,

Guess where I am? The hospital! See? That's me on the left by the little Christmas tree on 2SW waiting to go into my room. You can tell the tree is little because I'm little, only 5 feet and an inch, and that tree isn't much taller than me.

I had to come here because a couple days ago I went to clinic because my mid-line was pinkish. You should remember this, it was only one post ago. Well, because of my pinkish line, Agent 99 drew blood cultures on me, and those cultures grew.

We don't really know what it is they are growing yet, but they will keep me here in the hospital until my cultures don't grow anything anymore. What ever it is growing is in the cocci family and has a gram positive rod, so it isn't the E. Coli I had last time I was infected with something. House took out my mid-line at clinic today because he suspected it was the source of the infection. It was 3 weeks old, mid-lines usually only last about 2 weeks, so it was time for it to go anyway.

House has to have everything his way. He's such a poop stain sometimes. When he arrived to my room at clinic, my lunch had just came. I pretty much always get a cheese-burger no bun, french fries, peas, and lots of ketchup for my clinic meal. French fries taste awful cold. So I really wanted to get back to lunch ASAP and I don't really like House being my doctor because he doesn't know me and has the social graces of that one teacher you had in high school. You know the one.

Anyway, House is hurrying to get the examination done so I can go back to eating. He has gained some amount of respect for me over the years, but he's still House. I'm thinking we are just about done when he says, "Let's see that line now." House says everything in a real loud, announcement/command voice. I think he's hard of hearing, but I'm not sure. You always have to look at him when you talk though, like you would with a deaf person.

I know he's talking about my mid-line so I tell him, "You can't. We covered it up." Which is true, we did re-dress it and the site was covered. "Well that doesn't matter, we are taking it out."

"What? Now?"

"Yes"

"Why? Can't we wait for Agent 99 to come back?"

"No, because Patch and Dr. Huxtable are not here and I'm the only working and I'm already trying to be 3 places at once."

House always tries to make it sound like he's is the savior of the universe, but I know better, and I can take care of myself just fine. I don't need him for anything. So I tell him,

"Well, you can go then and when Agent 99 comes back, she and I can take it out without you."

"No, I want to see it. We are doing it now."

Fine! I think.

"Do you want adhesive remover?" House asks.

"Yes." I reply.

So we get the adhesive remover and go to work. I ask Mom to come over and help, and I lift a corner of the tape and Mom gets to rubbing the remover on. I wince as I feel my hairs being slowly ripped from their follicles that were buried in my flesh (they may have come out with the tape and not be there anymore), but I don't say anything or utter any noise. House takes care of the problem though...

"Look, honey. Watch." and he shoos Mom hands away, which makes me start to voice argument. I do not want his help I want Mom with her gentle hands. Mom who sees my wincing and feels an ounce of pity for it. House cares what I want to a point, but not that much.

He proceeds to rub the remover on top of the tape. Mom is intrigued and watches as he explains, "The remover will soak through the tape and it won't be sticky anymore." I'm still a bit annoyed and don't really believe this will work, but okay. I'm still up for giving it a try until House says, "See, honey I may not be as smart as you, but I have more experience." Ugh! That ticked me. More experience? Oh I'm about as sure House has more experience with needles taped to his skin as I am that Obama is secretly an albino conservative woman.

See, its just the way House says things, he is so clueless. Mom only seems to see the compliment in what he said though and points it out to me later, so I am able to forgive him.

Anyway, we continue with the tape removal, which is usually the worst part, but the tape comes right off. So, House was right about the tape coming off, which only makes me more upset. We almost have the tape off and House gets a big head. Agent 99 is in the room by now, so I'm a bit more calm. This is a very good thing because then House says, "Now the secret is to pull the tape straight up." and with the gentleness of a rabid Velociraptor he takes the tape and yanks it the opposite direction that the mid-line was going in, taking about an inch of the line out as he does so!

My mouth (and Mom's too) is shaped in a large O and I can hear noise coming out of it because it freaked me out so much. I think I was gasping. However, House doesn't seem to hear me or my mother and covers up his pause of shock by taking out the rest of the line.

Once it's out, he turns to look at my arm and says, "Where was it? Was it there?" There is this big hole in my arm from that line and he asks, "Where was it?" Could there be a stupider question coming from this doctor who knows everything? I think not, so I give him a look worth of his question. I spy Agent 99's eyes filled with silent laughter at my expression and I change it to a smile as Mom answers his question with a "Yes."

Turns out my insertion area wasn't all that red after all. Oh well. Now I have a new IV to take its place, courtesy of Agent 99.

The bruise isn't her doing. That is because of my ITP, which causes my anti-bodies to target my platelets, thus making me very bruise-able. Isn't it beautiful?

I'm the top Dog!

Dear Reader,

I know its been super long since I last wrote. I'm sorry about that. I have lots to tell you.

Firstly, I didn't exactly get to have a sleepover on Friday. Judge had a fever and since Sleeping Beauty was exposed, she couldn't come either. It was okay though because my other cousins, who are also my neighbors came, and Brother shared his friends with me. So there were 5 kids, plus Brother and me and the fire/campout.

Our neighbors had to leave pretty early on because they had a big day the next day (one of them was turning 16), but we had a great time with them whi

le they were visiting.

Jupiter, Brother and Brother's friend who's a girl and I watched Taken. It was over at like 1:30 in the morning.

I didn't get to talk to the girl very much because we were both so very tired by the time we finally got to bed. So, unfortunately for her, she does not get a code-name.

The next day, Brothers friends (in the picture on the left, Brother is in the middle with friends on either side) all went home at around noonish. That is what happened Friday and Saturday. Now I'm going to fly through the week so you can get to the recent exciting events that have been happening in my life.

Yesterday I went to clinic. I had to go early because we were changing the dressing on my mid-line and we thought it looked a little red around the site. Of course, paranoid Patch had to take a look at it. So we made an appointment to go tomorrow, which turned out to be today's yesterday.

It didn't look bad enough for her to be very concerned, and I figured that she just missed me. I got IVIG and Agent 99 drew my blood. My creatinine was 2.4, so it had gone up. It still wasn't very high for me though, and I hadn't done any IV fluids the night before. So, the plan is to go today with no IV fluids, drink a lot, and get my blood work done at the local lab tomorrow. If the creatinine has gone up, resume the fluids, if it has gone down, I get to discontinue the fluids. It will be my first time since transplant that I've really been without fluids. It would be a BIG DEAL if it gets to happen.

If my creatinine is good tomorrow, Mom and I will remove my mid-line by ourselves. This line goes 20cm long in my arm, so it will take a while to pull out and should be quite a site to see. Combine that with all the bleeding I will do because of my low platelets and it will a great show!

And speaking of great shows, my dog video is done! It is awesome too! I'm the voice of Resi, the therapy dog, in the hospital's moving day video. You can watch it if you like, right HERE. Remember, CatWoman was behind the production of this video, so she snuck a couple cats in it. See if you can find them.

I hope you had a great Thanksgiving and will have a great Christmas!

Miss E.