Guess where I am? The hospital! See? That's me on the left by the little Christmas tree on 2SW waiting to go into my room. You can tell the tree is little because I'm little, only 5 feet and an inch, and that tree isn't much taller than me.
I had to come here because a couple days ago I went to clinic because my mid-line was pinkish. You should remember this, it was only one post ago. Well, because of my pinkish line, Agent 99 drew blood cultures on me, and those cultures grew.
We don't really know what it is they are growing yet, but they will keep me here in the hospital until my cultures don't grow anything anymore. What ever it is growing is in the cocci family and has a gram positive rod, so it isn't the E. Coli I had last time I was infected with something. House took out my mid-line at clinic today because he suspected it was the source of the infection. It was 3 weeks old, mid-lines usually only last about 2 weeks, so it was time for it to go anyway.
House has to have everything his way. He's such a poop stain sometimes. When he arrived to my room at clinic, my lunch had just came. I pretty much always get a cheese-burger no bun, french fries, peas, and lots of ketchup for my clinic meal. French fries taste awful cold. So I really wanted to get back to lunch ASAP and I don't really like House being my doctor because he doesn't know me and has the social graces of that one teacher you had in high school. You know the one.
Anyway, House is hurrying to get the examination done so I can go back to eating. He has gained some amount of respect for me over the years, but he's still House. I'm thinking we are just about done when he says, "Let's see that line now." House says everything in a real loud, announcement/command voice. I think he's hard of hearing, but I'm not sure. You always have to look at him when you talk though, like you would with a deaf person.
I know he's talking about my mid-line so I tell him, "You can't. We covered it up." Which is true, we did re-dress it and the site was covered. "Well that doesn't matter, we are taking it out."
"Why? Can't we wait for Agent 99 to come back?"
"No, because Patch and Dr. Huxtable are not here and I'm the only working and I'm already trying to be 3 places at once."
House always tries to make it sound like he's is the savior of the universe, but I know better, and I can take care of myself just fine. I don't need him for anything. So I tell him,
"Well, you can go then and when Agent 99 comes back, she and I can take it out without you."
"No, I want to see it. We are doing it now."
Fine! I think.
"Do you want adhesive remover?" House asks.
"Yes." I reply.
So we get the adhesive remover and go to work. I ask Mom to come over and help, and I lift a corner of the tape and Mom gets to rubbing the remover on. I wince as I feel my hairs being slowly ripped from their follicles that were buried in my flesh (they may have come out with the tape and not be there anymore), but I don't say anything or utter any noise. House takes care of the problem though...
"Look, honey. Watch." and he shoos Mom hands away, which makes me start to voice argument. I do not want his help I want Mom with her gentle hands. Mom who sees my wincing and feels an ounce of pity for it. House cares what I want to a point, but not that much.
He proceeds to rub the remover on top of the tape. Mom is intrigued and watches as he explains, "The remover will soak through the tape and it won't be sticky anymore." I'm still a bit annoyed and don't really believe this will work, but okay. I'm still up for giving it a try until House says, "See, honey I may not be as smart as you, but I have more experience." Ugh! That ticked me. More experience? Oh I'm about as sure House has more experience with needles taped to his skin as I am that Obama is secretly an albino conservative woman.
See, its just the way House says things, he is so clueless. Mom only seems to see the compliment in what he said though and points it out to me later, so I am able to forgive him.
Anyway, we continue with the tape removal, which is usually the worst part, but the tape comes right off. So, House was right about the tape coming off, which only makes me more upset. We almost have the tape off and House gets a big head. Agent 99 is in the room by now, so I'm a bit more calm. This is a very good thing because then House says, "Now the secret is to pull the tape straight up." and with the gentleness of a rabid Velociraptor he takes the tape and yanks it the opposite direction that the mid-line was going in, taking about an inch of the line out as he does so!
My mouth (and Mom's too) is shaped in a large O and I can hear noise coming out of it because it freaked me out so much. I think I was gasping. However, House doesn't seem to hear me or my mother and covers up his pause of shock by taking out the rest of the line.
Once it's out, he turns to look at my arm and says, "Where was it? Was it there?" There is this big hole in my arm from that line and he asks, "Where was it?" Could there be a stupider question coming from this doctor who knows everything? I think not, so I give him a look worth of his question. I spy Agent 99's eyes filled with silent laughter at my expression and I change it to a smile as Mom answers his question with a "Yes."