I believe I'm experiencing "writer's blog", meaning I'm not quite sure what to write but feel that I should write something. I thought I might write something that would inspire deep thinking, something that would dig deep into your soul, perhaps something about love, about God, or about some kind of beautiful suffering that brings tears to your eyes. If I did this though, where would I begin? And for that matter, where would I end?
It's subjects like these that have kept the mortal mind occupied for eternities! Since the beginning of time man kind has been on the search. We have been explorers, hunters, and investigators, searching for love, searching for a "higher power", searching for beautiful touching things, searching for a meaning or a purpose. Where to find it? Where to look? What to look for?
Life can be quite a pickle.
What do I, Miss Ellaneous, a 14 year old girl in her first year of high school, know about life?
I've learned that there is always more to learn :)
Take age for example, I have learned that there are a few different kinds of aging.... For instance, my body may be 14 but I feel that I am much older. I don't really fit, I am Miss Ellaneous after all. Lots of times words come out of me and thoughts are born inside me that most people think belong in a "senior citizen". Then there is that thought. Are not all man created equal? Why should I be treated so differently because I am young? What I have done to be worthy of any kind of special treatment? I am a human, am I not?
Which brings me to this thought, many people have told me things like (or even exactly), "Someone Up Stairs owes you." or, "If anyone should get what they want, you should. You deserve it." They say these because I've experienced physical pain and sickness. They say these things because when kids tell me that they go to school I congratulate them on "living the dream".
That's all school has been to me for years, a dream. Other kids whine and throw their "School is a poopy place!" fits while I can only dream of getting to do what they do, of seeing friends everyday, of having someone repeat things over to me to "teach" them to me, of crushing on that cute guy with the gorgeous eyes and of letting my inner social butterfly out of the closet. Many people think I deserve these things, or at least deserve to be healthy, but really if you think about it, do I?
What have I done do deserve these wonderful things? Nothing out of my ordinary. What have I done to deserve any of these "terrible things"? Nothing out of my ordinary. Truth be told, I have just been myself my whole life. (Imagine that!) Some people may think, "This kid is amazing! This kid is inspirational! If only I had her strength!" Those people are very flattering, and to be honest I do enjoy hearing these things very much. However, please know that I've only been myself all these times. I haven't done anything to deserve anything and haven't done anything not to deserve anything. I've just tried to be the best me I could be, which really isn't all that special... Is it?
Simply, Miss Ellaneous